Revisions!

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Argh.

Just finished with the first leg of revisions for Nutrikid.

Am feeling a bit accomplished, and happy.

Also had a fun (and funny) time at Technohub with Coeli.

We went there to get bond paper.

Hmmm.

election, schmelection

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Well.

Election season is upon us again.

Upon me, specifically.

No, I am not talking about the national elections (more on that in the next few days, because it sickens me to death)

I mean elections in Sampa. (Sampaguita Residence Hall, where I live and love)

I have been bothered--again and again--to run for Chair.

I have repeated--again and again--that I plan to graduate on time.

Argh.

I hate this whole thing.

I mean, it is not like I don't want to serve. I do!

It is just that I want to graduate as well!!!

Brr.

aww.ver. please?

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(First published through wordpress; 13 June 2009)

Sigh.

Was hanging out with my elem/hs batchmates yesterday…we went to Calamba, rented a pool place, and bam. Overnight mode.

As always, when I get together with the people who feel they knew us best, mention of our golden couple-esque selves is made.

I know that I should let this go, be all mature, but REALLY.

I am so sick to death of being the mature one in this non-relationship.

Can I, for once, just be all over and done with this phase of my life?

I have never wanted to move on so much.

And yet.

I can’t.

Because closure—this time around—requires the two of us.

it is just a school, people.

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(First published through wordpress; 11 June 2009)

*This post is not meant to challenge, or annoy or insult anyone. I am way too busy to do things like that. Please.

Why is this such an issue?

I have no idea why, but there seems to be an awful lot of people making noises about my school.

I’ve read a lot of complaints, about us being ‘mayabang’ and all that.

I am too tired to be all defensive about my school.

I would just like to say: it is just a school.

It shouldn’t matter where you went, what you do, or who you are…it’s what you do with what life gives you that matters.

So everyone should just stop jibber-jabbering about whose better, whose not…and just make the most of what they have.

Right?

what looms ahead is not now (duh)

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(First published through wordpress; 11 June 2009)

I am getting antsy-stressed.

I feel so lost these days, it amazes even me.

I don’t really understand why.

I always thought I would have ample time to be myself, to understand what I want to do with my life.

But it turns out that I am so wrong.

This all started when my dad took me to work one day, and asked me when the registration for the UP LAE (the UP Law Aptitude Exam) was.

I reminded him that I wasn’t taking the LAE anymore.

He then shifted gears and asked me what I planned to take for my MA.

Um, back up.

MA??! I have yet to graduate, and now this?

Seriously.

The main reason why I have been taking all these odd jobs is because I want to find out what I want.

Of course now, all I know is what I don’t want to do.

What I want to do still looms ahead, a vast dark, not visible haze in the future.

I always thought I would have more time to figure out who to be.

But now…I have people calling me, asking if I am interested to pursue a career in this or that. I have reminders on my phone from people, reminding me to sign up for the August LAE review.

And there is the ever present form of my father, who keeps asking me what I want to be.

And I have no heart to tell all these people that I do not know.

That I need more time, and that I really, truly want…something.

in love, love, love

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oh, that thing called lurve.

(First published through wordpress; 10 June 2009)

Dayum

I am officially a nothing person now.

All I do is blog about myself, watch television and mutter to myself, or text people to complain about—wait for it*—myself.

And, really, I see no need to blame anyone.

My vacation has been extended, thanks to all the pandemics, CRS shutdowns and other things that went down over the next couple of days.

Without other people around me to remind me that I must focus on their worlds, not mine, I am at a supreme loss. I have never paid this much attention to myself.

It’s refreshing.

This being the case, I would just like to sigh about my favorite non-problem problem: my lack of a boyfriend/romantic someone.

This is a non-problem, because I do know how immature I am: I don’t have the emotional capacity to care enough about being the center (or at the very least, part of the center) of someone’s world.

But still.

Watching television today, it just makes one—fine, me—feel that I want something like that.

A person who watches out for you, bugs you when s/he feels that you are taking on too much…a steady there person.

After all, there HAS to be a reason why we have this many songs and books and just about every single thing about love—it must mean we all need and deserve it.

Right?

*Currently obsessed with Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris) on How I Met Your Mother. He is awesome!

ehf?! beeh?! me?!

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ehf?! beeh?! me?!

(First published through wordpress; 9 June 2009)

Goodness.

Was watching Boys over Flowers—the Korean version at Sol’s house.

She just texted, and I was all, okay!

We spent the day watching all the shows on channel 2, and catching up.

In between, they tried to convince me to go on Facebook, the social networking site that made that high school guy rich. (Atleast I think he was in high school.)

I have tried explaining to a lot of people that FB seems like too much of a commitment, and lauded Multiply, but they were all, ‘our elementary classmates are on Facebook.’

They then proceeded to tell me that I was basically the only person with no FB account. Ergo, I am the only one who will not be getting updates about reunions and stuff.

Um.

Which is true, but highly unfair.

I mean, why do we need a networking site when we can text each other?

But, apparently, we do.

So now, I do have a facebook account.

After my previous rant about getting too publicized, I just feel so pathetic.

But I cannot, cannot say no to my friends.

How sad am I anyway?

purged

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purged.

(First published through wordpress; 8 June 2009)

Well.

This has been a truly eventful week.

I quit my job, went back to school, and purged my old blog account.

Call me shallow, but that last one really, truly hit me HARD.

I am what you would call an accidental blogger: I got into blogging because I was interested in reading someone else’s blog. Because this person’s entries were private, I had to subscribe to the blog community.

And I did, figuring that I wouldn’t really have to blog. I could just be like a leech, and read everything.

But, as always, curiosity got the best of me.

Blogging became my own “acting out mechanism”—see, when I started out, almost no one (maybe a few friends) looked at my blog.

And my blog became a real outlet for me then: I could post whatever I wanted, without anyone knowing—unless they really did want to know.

I ended up blogging and enjoying myself.

Then, Multiply* happened.

Well, to be more specific, their cross-posting feature happened.

Not only could I vent my feelings to the world, this time, the world could reply. And because this world consisted of close friends, it was even better.

Suddenly, I didn’t have to tell anyone anything…I just had to blog about it, and bingo, a reaction.

I became a blog-whore. In a nutshell, I posted everything I felt, more bent on getting a reaction from people than because it was worth posting.

I even told people about really personal things!

And I realized.

Ah, me!

This is so not who I am.

I like blogging, but I like doing it for me, not for anyone else.

And that’s why this blog is entitled amaendments, so that I can change back, to that passive-aggressive blogger who got thrilled if someone really did take notice—but didn’t care if no one did.

*For those of you who are not as dorky as me, Multiply is an online community site where you can host everything—photos, blogs, music…anything. It is really fun, a bit less stalker-friendly than Facebook.

i am so flighty, that i feel

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weird.

i mean, no one really reads this.

but i have to admit.

i truly enjoy it.

haha.

will now be uploading my first published post from wpress and tumblr.