i am still like this

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Miss you so, so, so much sometimes, that it's funny.

And I know, when I think it through piece by piece, in the logical, scientific way of a Cres major which I should have--because I'm a Cres graduate! That you are not that great.

I mean, when I look at you--the you from then, as clearly as I can, I remember how…annoying you were. You always had to pull my hair in the morning, you kept boinking me on the head just to emphasize how much taller you were than I was, you always had to give creepy meanings to me and Rome…you had to know everything, you even went so far as to steal my journal!

I could list down a hundred more of your annoying traits, but I'm sure you get the point.

But then, every single one of those annoying things--for each one of them, I remember other instances.
You gave me a sandwich every morning for breakfast, you helped me with things I couldn’t reach, heck, you even switched lockers with me when mine was too high! And all those creepy meanings was your way of getting me to realize my boundaries…and you never were able to read my journal. Granted, my repetitive kicks and punches would have been a big reason why you couldn’t.


When I think of you, I remember random moments of your awesomeness.

Recess together, calls when you think I'm down, all that probing when I had to avoid you for someone.

All the chocolates, that doggie…everything nice and sweet.

All the happy memories of you and me are exaggerated in my head, Nuel.

I know I'm being illogical.

You cannot be as awesome in real life as I make you out in my head.

So why am I still...


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bored, bored, bored.

that's what i am.

i am so bored.

i feel myself literally expanding, as i sit in this computer chair and type away.


i hate being depressed.

but there really is no other way to feel these days.

i am bored.

these past few weeks, i have gone swimming, joined a wedding, swilled alcohol, learned how to make pirated cd's for import, gone up two waist sizes, and indulged in wedding cake. on the more serious side, i have undergone a pregnancy scare, and gotten allergic to antihistamines (that's right, i am, officially, more pathetic than anyone else you know). please do not ask me how i became allergic to anti-allergy medicine, because i do not know the answer to that.

i have also gotten atleast eight hours of sleep everyday. i have to stress this fact, it's just...so important. haha.

and yet, with all of these exciting (ha) changes to my life, i am still bored.

because i am still jobless. i am feeling officially pathetic, and left out.

all my blocmates have jobs and lives and are already fairly useful to society.

i sit here, blogging about helping the philippines become better when i am not even paying taxes.


i know i shouldn't feel so down.

everyone's been telling me that there is a time for everything, that i will get a job soon, and all that.

and i agree with them, i do believe that somewhere out there exists a tiny cubicle, (or at the very least, a computer chair) that is just for me.

but a part of me just can't help feeling so small and tiny, especially when i remember my crs send off. all my orgmates were telling me they expected great things from me in the future.

and as far as i can see, the only great thing about me right now is my size.

one of those days.

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this means nothing. some stuff i just can't flush out of me in the normal way.

He tsched. Atleast, to her, that was what it was.

The sound--part sigh, part whine, part growl--disturbed the silence in her living room.

He clears his throat, and says, in the voice she knows so well; "I don't understand you."


So it was going to be one of those days. She looks at him from her spot on the floor, a figure sitting on her couch, half-hidden in the shadow. She wonders if they should turn on the light.

She lays back down, smiles and replies.

"What do you mean?", she answers in a jesting tone, wishing she really was kidding, wishing she wasn't partly unsure of herself.

"You can tell me anything."; says the voice. Already, signs of frustration are there.

"Of course. I know that. Anything at all.", she agrees. Her voice remains the same, soft, steady, sure.

He shakes his head, and tries again: "Then why are you going on this..."

He does not finish.

She lifts her head and looks at him. She sighs, and stands up. As she walks, the words come out, softly: "I told you already. We've been through this. I need this. What's more, I want this. You know I always--"

"get what you want.", he cuts her off, taking her hand in his.

She blinks, confused. When did he start to walk towards her? She hadn't even seen it. His hand on hers takes her back to the present.

Knowing what was expected of her, she replies in a giddy tone: "See? You're learning. Claps for you!"

She tries to take her hand back, to demonstrate the claps, but he does not let her. Instead, he captures both hands in his right, and lifts her chin with his left.

"We're friends."; he says in a voice that is part hope, part plea, all unsure.

There is nothing she can do but meet his gaze, a smile masking the emotions in her eyes.

"Ofcourse we are. The very best.", she agrees. Her voice shakes, barely perceptible, with the lie.

i am NOT pregnant!

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It all started with a quiz.

I was online, semi-applying for jobs and scouting for jobs when I saw a blogthings link. I have always loved blogthings; the quizzes are short, the results funny and easy to repost to another site.

In fact, some months back, I had a, hmmm, rather unhealthy obsession with blogthings quizzes. I couldn't stop taking them! Thankfully, I developed another, similarly unhealthy obsession with reading make-believe blogs and was able to stop.

Feeling safer now, I have started to take quizzes again, although I wasn't as obsessive as before.

Having nothing else to do (sort of. I do think this job hunt thing is a little tiring already. But I digress, my self esteem is not the issue anyway.) I clicked on 'take a random quiz' and got the 'are you pregnant' quiz, and decided to take it.

Lo and behold, the quiz result was that I was pregnant.

Finding this funny (extremely funny: yes, my sense of humor seems absurdly twisted at times), I posted it to my FB wall. And now, some people actually think I am pregnant.

At first, I found this extremely funny as well. But now, even my thesis adviser thinks it's true!

My goodness. I am not pregnant. I'm just...fat.

I will be in school tomorrow to get my Nutrikid, you can judge then.

Although, it probably doesn't help matters that I have gained a hundred pounds over this whole rest period of mine.


Is it weird that I still find this funny?

Want to be misunderstood and talked about? Then take the blogthings 'Are You Pregnant?' quiz: http://www.blogthings.com/areyoupregnantquiz/

You know you want to.