I'm regular!!!!

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I feel so happy and accomplished, and all around blessed right now.

I like knowing I've accomplished something solid this year.


I think this photo shows what I'm feeling, the utter cheer and glee and all the other synonyms of joy I have in me right now.

jumping with my favorite people
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"What's going on? Is it supposed to be like this? My heart isn't feeling what I want it to feel."
(Hani, Playful Kiss)

unrequited benefits.

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The great thing about one-sided love:

  • You don't spend any money! After all, you aren't really dating, so you don't need gifts, or money for movies or anything like that.
  • No restrictions! You don't have to answer to anyone but yourself. 
  • I don't hurt anyone. Because I am the only one doing the liking.
  • It's only me. I can stop liking him whenever I want. 

(Ga In and Director Choi, Personal Taste)

That last part? So not true.

I just finished Personal Taste a few weeks ago, and I loved it. I liked the story, it was fast, easy, simple, especially the way they handled homosexuality and sex. Plus, the story had apples everywhere. I also adored Lee Min Ho, though my favorite character would be Director Choi.

It was full of cuteness, like this:

adorable discomfort

I mean, have you ever seen anything so uncomfortable, yet so cute? I don't really think you get a lot of rest this way, but you like the person so much, you let them do it.


Korean dramas are awesome destressers.

*Screencaps are my own.

comics and more.

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So, I'm supposed to be resting, but I feel that I am no good at that. Or that I rest very differently from other people, because resting to me is this. (This being listening to bouncy bubblegum pop while reminiscing.) Then again, my mother tells me I have made a career out of sleeping.

And before I truly veer off into the merits (and obvious awesomeness) of a career in Sleep, I will talk about Comic Con.

In keeping with my dictum of trying something new everyday for this year, I trawl the Web a lot for events and activities. Some simple and fun (like SavetheWords) and others weird and personal (That is all you get.).

One of the things I came across was Metro Comic Con 2010. It was more of an aside, really. My dream comic con had just finished for the year, so I was reading about what happened when I got curious. Was there a local version of Comic Con, where people paid tribute to Darna, LastikMan and Inday Bibe (my personal favorite)?

Turns out there is. And so, I grabbed Den, did some fast talking about how it was preparation for San Diego, and we were there!

Metro Comic Con was held in Megatrade Hall, in SM. We were there pretty early, so we bummed around Forever21 (Is it just me, or is it incredibly difficult to get out of that shop? Every time I think I am glimpsing an exit, it leads to another variation of their label.), and ate in Mesa (I get hanyan! when I think of Mesa. Sigh.)

Finally, it was time for the Con.

We bought tickets early in the day, so we just got in line for the entrance.


There were a lot of kids, and a lot of cosplayers. Some of my friends are of the opinion that cosplay is an eww activity, but it has always fascinated me. Having had to be in costume for a few commitments, I can say it is not easy. Particularly when you need wings. I admire them, for being able to take their appreciation of a story and show it to the world. It also doubles my interest/admiration of the story they're presenting, because a work has to be pretty engaging for you to want to dress up for it.

We finally got inside. I was struck by how bare the set up was. I've been to Megatrade for a few events: I was there for sales, for Panibagong Paraan and even for a few food fairs. The setup was always booths, a main stage area, and promo people milling about. For MCC, it was more relaxed, in a way. There were tables, where comic artists sat. Their work was displayed in front of them, and you stepped up, browsed and bought. There were also toy booths, though I hesitate to call items of that price "toys". There was this giant Wolverine figure that I totally wanted. Sigh.

The sight of cosplayers made me wonder who I would cosplay if I had to. I mostly come up blank. I mean, I like a lot of manga. But I have never honestly liked anything to want to dress up as that. Though I do think I'd make a cute Mrs. Teapot (Isn't she fun? She's so fussy and sweet!), she is not exactly for cosplay.

There was also a stage area, where Den and I caught two panel sessions: one was on the Philippine videogame industry, the other on Philippine comics. The sessions were incredibly interesting, because I had no idea there was a game industry in the country. I mean a gaming industry, sure. But game development? That was enlightening. Right now, it's mostly small games, such as mobile and PC. But some of them have been able to go on to Dreamcast, and are trying to land other consoles.
I am not much of a gamer myself, I enjoyed Prince of Persia, Metal Gear and the Final Fantasy games but I think I was more there for the look of the thing. I have also experienced Halo and Grand Theft Auto, and found them awesome. I guess I just really like blowing things up. So to an amateur, this was all just fascinating.
They explained that it was really hard to establish games as an industry in the Philippines, because the environment is quite hostile. I rather agree: at one of the job fairs I went to, I was given a card for a game development company and I was quite surprised at the woman. I talked to her, and found it interesting but all the while, I was thinking, 'For serious?'
Internationally, the requirements for games is also incredibly strict. Games go through a stringent process of evaluation before they can even be considered as a possibility. Which, considering how hard core some gaming magazines can be at critiquing, is something they kind of need.
Still, the session ended with them being quite hopeful that with technology advancing, it would give developing countries a shot at being able to develop more games for the mainstream consoles. I hope theyíre right.

We went around and bought Luna Lovegood, because she is awesome:

There was also an interesting booth, asking us to attend a LoliGirls meet. There are Loligirls in the Philippines! I am meeting so many subcultures, it's awesome. We also spent our time daring one another to ask for a photo with the cosplayers. Sadly, we were still wussing out when we saw someone dressed as Darth Maul (Alternately, best and worst Sith everrrr), so we didn't get a photo with him. We did make it with some other costumed people, though:

We also met Den's brother, who was there for Manix. It took some doing, but we finally got them together. Rakenrol, man.

The second panel was something I had more experience with: comics. It reminded me of a conversation I've had with some friends over the years, because I despaired of how fallen our print media has gotten: comics was the first to fall, and now, people are hopping aboard those digital reader thingies. (Which, really people, come ON. How can something tiny and hurtful to your eyes be a good way to read? Don't we all LOVE new book smell? Digital thingies don't have new book smell!)

I bought a few comics, the one I am absolutely enjoying is one that is set in a world where Patintero is an Olympic sport. I think it has a web comic version, but so far, I'm out of luck with finding it.

The panel, really the whole Con experience, was heartening to me, because it showed me that there was a lot more going on in the comic industry than I had figured. They were doing their best, to revive comics.

All in all, it was a pretty awesome experience. Though there was a dearth of Inday Bibe (heh), I got to meet actual comic artists, to be threatened by ninjas and see Loligirls in action. I leave you with my dream comic strip, below.

*Photos, combination author's and author's friends.


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It was the moment we had been working towards this whole past two months: the surprise for our parents's 24th wedding anniversary. (Me fixing Tagaytay, my brother fixing our parents' favorite cake)

It almost didn't work, what with my brother being crazy. But thankfully, he arrived home with the cake at around ten in the evening, and we hurtled on into phase two, the actual surprise: 

The anniversary cake

And then we had the certificates and the cake, and the love.

All in all, our parents seem happy, which is the goal, really. 

I feel hanyan! all over again.

spell desperate.

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Amae, do I give off desperate for a boyfriend vibes? Do I reek of desperation, like Leonard?

So, I was happily working last week, when my friend IM'd me the above message. At that time, I was just a touch amused, mostly because the only way that particular friend of mine would have reeked Leonard-esque desperation for a love life would be if she shared more than the quality of being human with Leonard. (Which, considering that Leonard is a an awesome television character on an even more awesome television show, is highly unlikely.) Also, wasn't that particular episode of the Big Bang a filler one, because Kaley Cuoco got into that riding accident that broke her legs? So really, this is not that big of a deal.

So I did all my duties as a friend and reassured her that she was not approaching Leonard levels of desperation. Also, I verbally slapped her for thinking that we were even approaching that age where people become desperate, because. hello, we are living in an age where love knows no age. (At least, if you get all your relationship knowledge from the Hallmark Channel and Oprah, we are.) That and I do think my friend is legitimately hot.

Then this weekend, I was alone, having sent my parents off on their anniversary gift, when I remembered that particular quote, and I started on to being paranoid.

I mean, what if my friend had been doing that thing that friends do when they want to tell you something about you, but are unsure how to say it, so they spin it around on themselves, in the hopes that you will understand? (This trick is similar to when you tell someone something that happened to you by starting with, 'So I have this friend...)

What if my friend had been talking about me?

So then I had to think about that: was I desperate?

True, I now belong to a peer group that is more coupled up than not. And I kind of already have married friends. And people keep asking me what is up with all the people I meet up with and IM and stuff. (To which I say, I wish.) But that doesn't mean I want to be married.

I mean, not yet.

And this doesn't mean I don't have happy crushes, because I do. I have a lot of hanyan! moments with the happy crushes. But, I don't really feel anything more than hanyan!. It's really just, smiles.

Sure, I wouldn't say no to someone cute, smart, funny and understanding. But I haven't met anyone with all of the above. At best, I get three out of four. Which is something, I know. But surely there is no need to lower my standards just so I have a steady answer for where I will be Friday night.

I guess I just want to say I like being single. And while I wouldn't say no to a movie, or to dinner or anything like that (or to this heavenly looking chocolate bar), I can go to those places on my own.

Or take friends!

Hmm. Perhaps this is just one long-winded way to say, anyone want to come with me to EK? Because there are new rides, people, and there is now a haunted house. (Which, I tried the last time I was there, and it was terrifying. Mostly. Or maybe that was because my cousin was trying to save and kill me at the same time by pushing me out of the place.)
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"No. No one else dies for me. No more." 
(Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part1, movie)

"It's not just about you. You may be the chosen one, mate, but it affects all of us!" 
(Ron Weasley, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part1, movie)

"I'm always mad at him." 
(Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part1, movie)

Does this not make it obvious where I was last night?

I am waiting for the hanyan! period to pass before I write about HP7. The quotes above were three of my favorite moments for Harry, Ron and Hermione. 

In all honesty, I am just predisposed to love, love, love this movie. Because it is the signal of the real end of HP, and I am not certain about my readiness to lose Harry, even after growing up with him.


This is my favorite movie poster/screenshot/whateveryoucallems:

It really does feel like an end.

Photo taken from this site.

***I may have misheard/misquoted. Still in happy lalala mode. 

random rambles: TVD thoughts

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It's been a few days, and it is a few days more, till the next ep of The Vampire Diaries comes out, and I already feel that, given my Chuck-less existence (gah, why is no one showing the greatest show on earth in the Philippines, exactly?), that Glee is now a variety show with a plot every few days, and that everybody wants me to not see GG on Thursdays, I clearly will not get anywhere without cyber yelling my frustrations over the TVD break.

Let's just start with me saying I honestly find TVD legitimately awesome now, not just awfsome* TV fun. It's most definitely parts the Buffy-esque dialogue, the existence of Caroline Forbes, the shirtlessness, the fast reveals and everyone being ridiculously attractive. I mean, something has to be up in a town where literally everyone is beautiful, right? It's so much fun, is what I mean.

And I love it, so these are really just thoughts. Usually the show does tie everything up in sweet little bows, but the last few eps have had me going ehhhh. So some honest questions and speculations about TVD, in all spoilery probably glory, because I don't know how to edit. Also, watch out for the totes. (I swear, that word is such fun, such fun!)

1. So there were brilliant witches who were powerful enough to create the sun and moon curse, but they were not brilliant enough to stop at that, and had to make a counter-curse? Why, exactly? Or is this like Charmed, where you have to make a counter for every spell?
2. And these Mayan witches sealed that tomb with Petrova blood, because...they were originally from Bulgaria? Or could it be the other way around, with the Petrovas being originally from Central America? Engkk.
3. Then there's that. If we really just need Petrova blood to anti-curse the curse, why did Klaus not just get anyone from Kat's family? No one said it had to be the blood of the doppelganger. Perhaps semantics. And me being too too.
4. How hot is Jeremy going to get? Seriously, thank goodness the emo phase is over.
5. I love Caroline. I just have to say that again and again. She is my vote for ensemble dark horse, because Damon is the anti-hero.
6. I think is highly unfair of people to villify Bonnie so much. She's had incredible casualties in this whole deal, really. I mean, I totes would have set Damon on fire if he had killed my grandmother.
7. Although that part of it is really interesting to me: how viewers let Damon get away with so much, because he is "only loving Katherine" (and deep down, also because he is hot and Ian Somerhalder), while saying Bonnie is mean to him, when she in fact is "only loving her grandmother."
8. But ack. Bonnie and Jeremy??? Just no.
9. It was a little mean of Bonnie to treat Jeremy that way on their pseudo date, though. I didn't like that.
10. Though I love her struggle to work through her issues with Caroline, their friendship, her guilt. After all, that is most definitely her fault. She's the one who allowed and technically ordered Damon to 'heal' her. So the part where she's being heinous to Caroline was uncalled for,
11. Caroline and Tyler?!? Can a relationship handle so much hotness? But thank you.
12. I love Matt, and want him to move away from Mystic Falls. He is all that is sweet and innocent and good and bunnies. I want him to remain that way. Or at least be seen more.
13. Bonnie and Damon. Let's hope they stretch that tension out and kick us season four. (Hey, I'm hopeful) After all, look at GG: after Chair, there was no way to go but manwhore Nate, the wehateSerenabrigade, and pretend Chair fights. And Jenny, ugh Jenny.
14. I am like this because for this show, I want it the endgame to be OTP, Bamon and Forwood.
15. I've trawled the net for spoilers, and I agree with those who say endgame Elena is definitely becoming a vampire. It just seems to make more sense, if she stops being all tragic. I like Action Elena, not It's all on me Elena.  But I hope this doesn't happen this season. Although...
16. I say Katherine's redemption arc is going to involve her sacrificing herself for everyone, and thus freeing up some more of Nina Dobrev's time.
17. I really, really want the show to stop with this I'm black so I'm a witch thing. I mean, come on. TVD, you are better than that.
18. Why does everyone have to be an orphan in some form?
19. I love the interaction between Tyler and his mom. They are both so awww.
20. Sometimes, the soundtrack distracts me.
21. I am at the same time, scared of the possibility of Bonnie dying as a season finale. Because she is kinda mean, and still one-dimensional for me. Which was really how Vicki was going, except in that case, it was totes a good decision to kill her off. But Bonnie...please, give her more to do!
22. How bad-ass is Elijah? Dude uses coins to break windows. Coins. Windows. 
23. Is it weird to feel sad over the Scholastic Vampire dying? (Ack, I forgot his name, but since he has like a thousand degrees and language learnings, he is now the SV.) But really, he was a vamp nerd! A hot vamp nerd! Why kill that?
24. Ack, it's too long till December 2!!!

This is a long-winded way of saying, TVD, come back. I miss Caroline and Damon and random murdering of innocents and not so innocents.

*just FYI, anytime I can, I really will reference How I Met Your Mother. I just like the words! And I really want to be called Anna Westside by someone. Or have the capability to say 'Lawyered'. Sigh.

Foppotee is me.

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Animals and plants are not the only things being endangered.

The people at Oxford Dictionary have some sad news: because of non-use, we lose hundreds of words from the English language yearly. Today, we only use roughly around 7,000 words to communicate!

Thus, everyone is being encouraged to adopt these endangered words and use it as often as they can.

I've already adopted the word 'foppotee'.

Screenshot of SavetheWords.org site

Be a hero, save a word!

***All information paraphrased from the Savethewords site.

Do you dream of books?

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I have a lot of dreams.

I dream of traveling the world, of one day setting foot in places that interest me, and in some that don't, in areas that scare me, and areas that confuse me.

I dream of eating every food item atleast once, a dream which may be blocked by my inability to process vegetables, but hey, who knows?

I dream of learning a sport, any sport, properly and without giving up.

I dream of doing research on the random things that occupy my mind, because I really do find random things wonderful.

I dream of meeting the people that inspire me, and asking them silly questions.

I dream of writing a book, and maybe inspiring people through it.

And I've lived all of my dreams.

They're in books.

Books are the most amazing ways to dream, to live, to believe.

I know that there are those who will say why read when you can do, but I truly disagree.

You read, so you can do.

We should all do more to read.

**This photo is of Karl Lagerfeld's library/house, originally shown here, from my new favorite site, bookshelfporn. Someday, I will be on that site. Sigh. Another dream.**
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But what kind of heart doesn't look back?
All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again

This song by Sara Bareilles makes my heart hurt.

Why,why,why am I so sad and sappy?

random rambles: the cemetery

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These are some of the things that went through my mind, on the trip to Holy Cross for Kuya:

1. I can't quite believe it, but so much has changed in our neighborhood. Our old playground is gone, there are houses on the main road, there are less trees, and more people. I want to apologize to the trees for the inconvenience. After all, weren't they here first? Or did someone plant them, to make our village look nicer?
2. I know so little about the place I live in, it's sad. But then again, my mother's manicurist has said it often enough: I should go outside, talk to people my age, do things that people my age do.
3. I've never followed her advice. Well I did try to, once. I tried talking to my seatmate in the tricycle, because Sola insisted that he knew who I was, and I kept saying I didn’t. We had a nice conversation.
4. But I have yet to try again.
5. If only oil and water were interchangeable. Then petrol wouldn't be necessary.
6. Can we really just STOP making ACTEX happen? I get it, it's because of SCTEX. But the road quality (is that a word?) is so far, it's not even funny.
7. Although I do really like the photo taking computer.
8. I keep remembering wanting to be a toll booth operator.
9. Billboards are an interesting thing, aren't they? I mean, I've honestly never seen a billboard for anything that whetted my interest enough to actually want to buy the product. Mostly, when I see a billboard, I think, wow, s/he looks awesome. And yet, they continue to pile up and around, till they're all you see.
10. I realize that I am going past some of the things that mean so much. Home. Holy. Napocor, San Vicente, the airport. The MRT line, the NCP compound, OMM Citra, Quezon Avenue station. Circle. My life in places, scattered, but seemingly straight.
11. I think I'm changing my mind. That billboard of the giant shoe for Otto is rather nice. I love yellow.
12. I think shoes are the greatest.
13. I miss school. I miss knowing that the rest of my life is still out there. So many things are up to us, now. As JK Rowling said, there is a limit on the things you can blame your parents for. And, well, I've never seen the point in blaming my parents for anything, really. All they ever do is love me.
14. How great would it be, once all our dreams come true? Sometimes, that thought just tickles me at random moments.
15. Past Trinoma. It's different now, with the transport terminal, and the colour thingies outside Landmark. The last time I was there, they were changing the flooring (hopefully to something less bathroom tile-y).
16. All things are different now.
17. I do wonder why SM wanted that whole waterfall effect in front. It just looks like a lot of rain, to me.
18. And when you go past and see the Philippine College of Physicians (I may be wrong, I am not sure) building sandwiched between the SM Annex-es, it just makes you smile over the story. It's nice to know that there are people that can't be bullied.
19. I do love Pan de Manila, and the utter randomness with which I see branches of it. I remember my happiness at discovering a new branch behind OMM. I wonder if my former officemates still go there, and if they ever tried the ice cream.
20. I think HBC is an admirable company. It's nice to see all Filipino stuff. Also, I am a fan of their hair crème.
21. Ahh, traffic. Guess we're near.
22. Sometimes, I kind of doubt all that I've read about driving being a sleeper skill. I still overshoot my distances, and I kind of don't know how to do anything. Agh.
23. Rooney is such a fun band. Why have I only discovered them now?
24. I wish we'd get internet soon, so I can download/watch the latest eps of the Vampire Diaries and Chuck.
25. I'm so afraid and yet so ready for Chuck to be on its last this season. There are just some things that have to end, I guess.
26. Also, I kind of feel bored by this season. I mean, it's still Chuck. But there is something not there. I hope the next few eps make me regret saying that.
27. On to the Vampire Diaries, that show rocks, on all levels.
28. I mean, I always thought I would dislike vampire stuff forever now, thanks to Twilight. But I kind of really adore this show. It reminds me of Buffy!
29. My favorite VD character is Caroline. She's so layered, and Candice Accola is awesome. I cried some when she was compelling her mom to forget her.
30. All those scenes where Nina Dobrev is playing both prot/anta are great. You can see, even from her eyes, that she's a different character. And it's not just her, the rest of them are awesome too. Kaching, acting! It's nice to see that some CW shows so get good actors in them.
31. Although I really do love Elena and Stefan together. I rarely vote for the OTP, but I love them.
32. And on the never gonna happen, but oh, wouldn't it be awesome! Pairing: Damon and Bonnie. I just love me some Somerhalder. He was great and gone too soon on Lost, and here, he is just...hot. And great at being Damon. And I love Bonnie. She isn't Willow, but she's awesome too.
33. Wow, I am such a fan girl.
34. And I haven't even mentioned Gossip Girl yet! I love GG. And I sincerely hope they never do Dan and Blair. Ugh.
35. I am still reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. I am purposely dragging it out, because it is a great book.
36. It makes me cry, and Oskar is currently breaking my heart.
37. "Things were happening around us, but nothing was happening between us." (JSF)
38. Glee...is okay. But it's fading for me, and fast. Someone rescue Glee's plot, quick!
39. Also, no Puck, no love for me. He would have been an awesome FrankNfurter. And yes, it would have been out of character, but it's Glee. Nothing is ever out of character.
40. I wish Glee would have a boybands special. I imagine Puck doing mmmbop. Hahaha.
41. Although I wish even more for Glee to become a normal television show again. Please. The heart is gone, people. :(
42. "Maybe he didn't say he loved me, because he loved me." (JSF)
43. We're here!
44. I wonder, will I be the sort to have my own mausoleum? But then...I semi kind of want to be cremated, and scattered...well, okay, not the scatter part. Nature has been through enough.
45. But being buried seems scary.
46. Lots of people here.
47. Sometimes, I remember one of our textathons when you said you had someone you visited in this cemetery, as well. Most visits I find myself looking around, thinking, who is visiting your someone now?
48. I wish we could bury feelings as easily as we do the physical stuff.
49. Then, maybe when we feel like it, we can visit them, and give them gifts.
50. That way, I could visit the feelings in our relationship, and give it: a butterfly pin, random notes, and perhaps a transcript of the last ill fated call.
51. And I could visit my failures, and bring them a copy of my diploma, the one I still don't have because I lost my slip.
52. And my past happy times, who I would bring cupcakes to. Sweets for the sweet, as they say.
53. And I could bring iced tea to the anger, in the hopes of cooling it down, down, down.
54. And most importantly, I could run away from them, never to come back.
55. Back to the graveyard, isn't it fun to see everyone this way? We're crammed, by choice. Cemeteries are like that, unfortunately.
56. Personally, I am very conscious of my personal bubble. I hate it when people go past it.
57. There really ARE a lot of different things people do to while away the time. I read, and listen to music, while butting in to the family conversation.
58. I know I said I don’t like her. But Katy Perry is effing addicting. I can't stop listening to Hummingbird Heartbeat. Ack.
59. I stare at my brother, wondering how there he is.
60. I stare at my other brother, wondering and marveling at what he's become.
61. A child, a girl in pigtails and a blue dress, is blowing bubbles behind me. Sometimes, they even reach me. I smile at her, and remember gumamela shards, and a certain little boy who liked to play at science.
62. I see a group of people playing patintero, and I remember school grounds, and death matches, of boys versus girls.
63. I even remember a cloudy afternoon, in front of school, a conversation about hygiene, tattoos, and the one girl who has never let me down, no matter how hard I make her.
64. We're going!
65. Goodbye for now, Kuya. Remember my letters.
66. Do you get them? Sometimes I wonder if burning them is a good idea. But I don't want to bury them. I am not going to be like the Renter. But then again, should I be burning things? The ozone layer isn't going to like that.
67. I want pizza. Can you believe they sell pizza in the cemetery?
68. And there is also scramble. Am I the only one silly enough to be thinking that scramble is better on the streets? I know it is now some sort of craze. But still.
69. I also want froyo. Heavens, this addiction to yogurt cannot be good for me. I'm as bad with yogurt as I am with apples!
70. And carrot cake. It serves me right, to find that my carrot cake replacement for Chokiss carrot cake is still largely inaccessible. I think my possible replacement is the Sonja's bunny hugger cupcake. Alas, Serendra. If only.
71. Food. I think about food a lot.
72. Ack billboards again.
73. Honestly, Enchong Dee and Kim Chiu look really nice in the Coke ad. So cute.
74. I wonder if the Krispy Kreme savories taste as good as their sweets. Although I do sort of think that Krispy Kreme is a bit too sweet.
75. I am a Cello's girl, through and through.
76. I miss Denden.
77. Harry Potter in a while! Is everyone excited!?? Because, it is obvs not going to be as great as what you imagine but still. It's going to be EPIC.
78. And I am really grateful that they aren't 3ding it. I hate 3D. Can that fad please blow over?
79. I wish Scott Pilgrim would get shown. I truly wish.
80. I am so glad my Zen is now working. Thank goodness.
81. I have so much to do, and it excites me. How not normal am I?
82. Sometimes, I really wish someone read my blog. :)
83. I wonder what Christmas this year will bring. I hope it's more than all the sales being advertised. Although, well, that's great too.
84. I want to see everyone again.
85. I hope I get to reach Glee. I want to see their Rocky Horror, and I fell asleep last time cause of the Mega friends.
86. I also hope there is a VD replay tonight, cause I need me some Damon. Sigh. I am not on anyone's team or anything, but I love Ian Somerhalder. He is almost as awesome as Zachary Levi.
87. I do wonder if vampires exist. But if they did, I'd also hope that fairies, and leprechauns, and werewolves, and zombies did.
88. I wonder if Ted will ever meet the mother. And I have a weird feeling that it's going to be Barney and Robin in the end.
89. How glad are you that they're taking pains to restore the characters to season 3 glory? I hated post-breakup Barney and Robin last season.
90. And as always, nothing but love, love, love for Lily and Marshall. Because if ever I do get married, I'd want the relationship to be something like that.
91. Which just goes to show how unlikely a future event marriage is for me. Oh, unreality, how exciting you are!
92. My brother keeps shining the torchlight of his phone at me. Eurgh.
93. Cars are awesome.
94. I just saw a Mini Cooper. Love.
95. Home. In a few.
96. I am so glad there is no work tomorrow. Sigh. I mean, I love my job, but I also love vacation. Haha
97. I hope someone surprises me with something great tomorrow.
98. Home. Now.
99. Glee!
100. And VD later!
101. Why am I so shallow?

fifty from facebook

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Lately, people keep doing this thing where they tag you in facebook and make you do bulletins, sort of like the ones on Friendster. I rarely ever do it, but I'm bored and it's Dheng.

As always, I tag no one. :D

[ONE] Who was your last text from?
From Globe. I checked my balance. haha. Well, from Kwannie, who was just checking in.

[TWO] Where was your default pic taken?
My photo here (as in my blogger avatar, was taken in school, during class.) And my FB photo was taken in MOA, by my dad.

[THREE] Your relationship status?
In a relationship...with my self. :)

[FOUR] Have you ever lost a close friend?

[FIVE] What is your current mood?
Ashamed, cause I was late today, bouncy-kilig because I'm listening to Matt Nathanson, busy thrills while doing work because, well, I am not really sure. Now I'm confused.

[SIX] What's your brother(s)/sister(s) names?

[SEVEN] Have you ever been torn between two lovers?
I wish. I don't think so.

[EIGHT] Where do you wish you were right now?
June 2010. :)

[NINE] Have a crazy side?
It's actually more than a side. har.

[TEN] Have you ever had a near death experience?

[ELEVEN] Something you do a lot?
This blog. Eating. Being whiny and sensitive.

[TWELVE] Angry at anyone??

[THIRTEEN] When was the last time you cried?
Last Saturday. Being stood up sucks.

[FOURTEEN] Is there anyone you would do anything for?

[FIFTEEN] What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
How my GU crush is doing,and hoping for an awesome tomorrow.

[SIXTEEN] Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Ms. Elsa, my officemate.

[SEVENTEEN] What is your favorite song?
All we are, by Matt Nathanson. That's right now. Of all time, it's a tie between Hangin' by a Moment and If I am and Forever and Almost Always (Kate Voegele, not Taylor Swift).

[EIGHTEEN] What are you doing right now?
Hyperresearch coding for a project.

[TWENTY] Who do you trust right now?
God, my family, the Trophy friends, the Internmates and the Fzie.

[TWENTY-ONE] Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
From my closet.

[TWENTY-TWO] Have you kissed someone in the past week?
Second Fzie baby Kiel, and my family. I am currently harassing my brother, cause he's home, and I can!

[TWENTY-THREE] Who are your friends that live closest to you?
My next door patintero buddies.

[TWENTY-FOUR] Describe your life in one word.

[TWENTY-FIVE] Who are you thinking of right now?
Steve Jobs. For serious, man, is it really this difficult to use the Mac without updates? Argh.
Ian Somerhalder. You had me at; 'This is John Varvatos, man.' Swoon!
My busmate, who let me know the fascinating fact that we were both late. Har.

[TWENTY-SIX] What should you be doing right now?

[TWENTY-SEVEN] What are you listening to?
Matt Nathanson. :)

[TWENTY-EIGHT] Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
My mom.

[TWENTY-NINE] Who was the last person who yelled at you?
The Fzie. Yelling is sort of our thing.

[THIRTY] What is your natural hair color?

[THIRTY-TWO] Who was the last person to make you laugh?
My officemate, Ms. Gina, over the Twister Fries Debacle.

[THIRTY-THREE] Who was the last person to make you sad?
The friend who stood me up.

[THIRTY-FOUR] What do you hear?
My officemates debating Twister Fries over strains of All We Are.

[THIRTY-FIVE] Is your hair curly or straight?

[THIRTY-SIX] Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
I sincerely hope not. Although I would love it if someone called my cooking scrumptious.

[THIRTY-SEVEN] Do you have a best friend?

[THIRTY-EIGHT] Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
Do babies count? :)

[THIRTY-NINE] Do you use smiley faces on the computer?

[FORTY] Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?

[FORTY-ONE] Are you happy with life right now?
Not so much happy as bouncy, I suppose. I'm getting to happy.

[FORTY-TWO] Are you currently jealous?
Yes. I want to be in bed like my brother is.

[FORTY-THREE] What jewelry are you currently wearing?
My earrings and necklace. I have this weird thing where I take off the hand stuff when I work.

[FORTY-FOUR] What were you doing last Friday night?
I was my brother's driver.

[FORTY-FIVE] Have you ever had your heart broken?

[FORTY-SIX] Have you ever broken someone's heart?
I sincerely hope not.

[FORTY-SEVEN] Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?

[FORTY-EIGHT] What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
Just the usual me reasons.

[FORTY-NINE] How late did you stay up last night and why?
I was up till 1am, because I got in at like 11 from Sonja's, and I had to edit something before bed.

[FIFTY]Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
No. I don't think I could.
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"They say it's a broken heart, but I hurt all over. I keep saying that I'm okay, but I'm not. What if I never get over Chuck you? What if I stay this way forever?"
(Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl)

and my junk is, you.

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It's raining/storming, and my Zen is playing the Spring Awakening soundtrack.

I realize that this song is not exactly about love, but the motions that come before it, but on an afternoon bursting with rain and shadows and the occasional play of thunder and lightning, it seems appropriate.

It is partly the beat, mostly the lines, most probably this mood.

Listen to this song here, and watch it here.

Lyrics below, mostly for fun.

In the midst of this nothing
This miss of a life
Still there's this wanting
Just to see you go by

It's almost like lovin'
Sad as that is

May not be cool,
But it's so where I live

It's like i'm your lover
Or more like your ghost
I spend the day wondering
What you do, where you go

I try and just kick it
But what can I do
We've all got our junk
And my junk is you

See us, winter walking after a storm
It's chill in the wind but it's warm in your arms
The stop all snow line, may not be true
We've all got our junk, and my junk is you

Well, you'll have to excuse me
I know it's so off
I love when you do stuff
That's rude and so wrong

I go up to my room
Turn the stereo on
Shoot up some you
And the you is some song

I lie back just driftin'
And play out these scenes
I ride on the rush
Of all the hopes, all the dreams

I may be neglecting
The things I should do
But we've all got our junk
And my junk is you

See we still keep talkin' after you're gone
You're still with me then feel so good in my arms
They say you go blind, maybe it's true
We've all got our junk, and my junk is you

It's like we stop time
What can I do?
We've all got our junk
And my junk is you
My junk is you
My junk is you

***Spring Awakening is a rock musical based on a German play by Frank Wedekind. It was adapted by Duncan Sheik (music) and Steven Sater (lyrics and book).

it's always so easy, dreaming.

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It starts out slow, the way we always do.

I will be laughing, or talking over something, and somehow, you will be there.

You always pop up. It's an enviable trait, and if I wasn't so...something's with you, I'd hassle you about it.

But I hate speaking in general terms, so let me lay it out for you:

A room, with giggling girls in nightwear. There is food all around, a horror movie on low, squeals and giggles, the occasional beep of a mobile phone.

It's a sleepover, sort of like what we had when we were in high school.

Okay. Definitely like high school.

But since it's not, talk turns, inevitably, to everyone from high school.

As always, it begins with a series of 'Remembers'

Remember that time we stayed late and tried to find ghosts?
Remember the office at night?
Remember that cute badminton player?
Remember the siopao?!
Remember graduation?

As always, I try to stay with them, to contribute my own remembers:

Remember the mani/pedi final?
Remember the teachers?
Remember Festival Mall?!

But it never works, completely.

And it becomes our own remember:

Remember the movies?
Remember locker switches?
Remember note passing?
Remember breaking my heart?

I know I'm being dramatic: you never broke my heart. We were too immature for that.

But sometimes, light hearted banter can hit home and hit hard.

And I just wonder, how much more of us is there?

Haven't I made it clear--the way you did--that this is not a good idea?

And I agree: we were never a good idea.

But we're an awesome dream.

**post wakeover, pre reality.

the Mac event.

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Well, as my ym stat declared, 'It's not Christmas without the stealing and dealing!'

Because something awful has happened: yesterday, one of the Mac mini's was stolen. (Just in case you live under a rock, this is what a mac mini looks like.) We use minis because it is easier to move into different areas and hook up to different systems, for presentations and data sharing and other things. They're cute, like having a laptop on the go. Also, it is easier to not throw the Mac mini away because I still carry around this fantasy that it is Justin Long, residing in the Apple logo.

Where was I? Ah yes, the stealing.

Being a dorm resident, I am used to sudden waves of thievery. Well, not really sudden; even thieves have a pattern: for dorm thieves, it is before sembreak (because of tuition), during Christmas (because of Christmas) and after Christmas (because, well, everyone is poor after Christmas). RIght now, since I do not like the idea of establishing a pattern for my workplace, I will just blame it on opportunity and Christmas.

This has thrown everything and everyone into a tizzy. We're basically just going around, reminding people to keep their valuables. I now have to hide my Justin (Long, cause, well, this is the only reason that this Mac and I are still friends) and re-connect it to the rest of my system. Sigh.

I'm so scared.

And also, intrigued. I mean. I don't think I have it in me to steal anything (Ninoy makes fun of me for chasing down this jeepney driver who I forgot to pay, back when we were students) because well, I just think stealing is wrong. It's like taking away something that a person slaved years for, or will atleast rot in debtor's hell, for a bit.

But then again, it's like that poem that you recite in third grade: the one about loaves and judging, and about providing food for the family. Can you really blame a person if circumstances lead him/her to crime?

If you grew up in a society (fine, community) that looks at stealing as a way of life, is it really wrong? Even, if you find the opportunity to be better off, even just a little bit, by taking something so small, and not hurting anyone (well, not physically, I guess), wouldn't you?

I hate when I get like this: I keep vacillating between looking at this through personal lens: it's wrong, and the 'sociological imagination' lens: it's society's fault, man!

It's things like this that makes me realize how messed up real life is. Nothing can ever be black and white, right and wrong.

There is always something gray, some slight variable that can make a wrong thing seem right.

I still think it's wrong to steal.

But I don't think I can speak for everyone.

whining OUT

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That is basically all I have been doing this past few days. I have been having several, 'Are you for serious?' moments, moments where I feel like I am literally going to go crazy, what with everything that has been going wrong lately. I kind of feel like a Korean drama heroine, minus the hot men fighting over me, as well as the eventual happy ending, and weird clothes. (So, basically, it's a Korean drama with no good parts.)

I am such a thundercloud that I am afraid to be around people: I did my best to get out of several social activities I had planned. I am just not in the right frame of mind to deal with people, I'm afraid. I mean, we might be all hanging out somewhere and I will become crazy, or some such thing.

So, this week has been work-home-work-home. Well, except for Tuesday, which was when my friends dragged me to dinner. I had no choice, they would hound me till I gave in. (Mostly, that made me realize that there are still people who would rather kill me in person rather than ignore me, so thanks, guys.)

Aside from that, I got out of everything else.

So this Wednesday's evening commute was usual: jeep-bus-jeep-trike...usually, I am home by 7pm. I had to be home by that time, because it was the Britney/Brittany episode, and I'm a huge fan of both. (Here's to hoping they did Radar!)

Which was why, of course, I found myself in the middle of the South Luzon Expressway (the SLEX), stranded because the jeepney I was on, had a flat tire. At first, I didn't really mind it: the driver said he only needed five minutes and we would be on the way, there was some interesting people on the jeep, so I could spend the stranded time observing them. Also, I have never been out on SLEX before. Still, my ever paranoid parents have a few rules if we ever found ourselves stranded in the middle of nowhere (they're really, really paranoid).

Rules to follow when stranded in the middle of nowhere:

1. Never be stranded alone. Meaning, never ride a public utility vehicle alone. (Also known as the never trust cabs rule)
2. Stick with the group.
3.Determine how real the problem is. If it looks like you are being faked out by the driver, convince the group to run and hide from him/her/them.
4. If the problem looks real enough, stay with the group. This does not mean engaging in unnecessary socializing, so:
5. Don't talk to strangers. If you must, answer the person with smiles or okays.
6. No wandering around, no matter how near you think you are to the group. They are strangers, they will not save you when you get lost!
7. No touching things. no walking on uneven ground. There is no need to start tripping all over the place.
8. No helping out the driver, especially you (they mean me and my klutziness), because you will ruin it and you will be stranded for real if they get annoyed with you.

So, as you may probably have guessed, these rules are more for me than they are for my brother, who somehow manages to whiz past every roadblock in his life. (I want to say that's genetics, but it so is not.)

Back to the stranded thing, I was doing okay, following my parents' rules and genially smiling at the complaining people while taking photos. This is how cars look as they go past you on the SLEX at night:

As you can see, my photographfeeler skills have been enhanced by the night.

No matter, I was still okay. I could deal because I used my favorite past time: the 'could be worse' scenarios game. Could be worse is a game I have with myself, that started in elementary, when I realized I had the crazy, cursed ability to trip on anything, destroy equipment with curiousity, and generally just embarass myself in public.

I think my first could be worse was when I accidentally destroyed my seatmate's diorama in Kinder One. She had made a scene from the Little Mermaid, and I managed to step on Ariel, thereby destroying her diorama's focal point. I think it was; 'Could be worse, I could have destroyed the whole diorama! Atleast, I just destroyed the middle of it!' The incident rather brought us closer together, because we (meaning me, while she watched) had to redo the diorama. Sigh.

Where was I? Oh yeah, I was stranded!

For my stranded self, the could be worse was: Could be worse, it could be raining. And what do you know?

It started to rain.

I wanted to start in with another could be worse, but I did not want to be held responsible for anything else.

Thankfully, I had my umbrella at ready, and one by one, my fellow passengers and I formed multi-colored umbrella clumps in our little edge of SLEX. It was even slightly fun, standing there, twirling the umbrella around while I genially smiled at people.

Finally, after fifteen or so more minutes, we were on the way to our homes.

And it made me realize what I think I've forgotten, in the whole kerfuffle of worry and dread this Monday has brought me.
I keep losing sight of all that I have, and it takes things like a combination of could be worse-ssss to make me realize, that it could be worse.

I mean, not just could be worse in the game sense of it, it could definitely be worse, if I did not start shaping up and living soon. See, I have my own rules to live by for problems that I feel I will never get past:

Rules for Things I am Afraid I will Never Get Past:

1. Prayer.
2. Work.
3. Smiles.
4. Work harder.
5. Seek support.
6. Give thanks.

And now, I realize I never lost any of the components for these rules: God is always there for me. I love my job. I still smile, though in self-deprecation, at times. And there are still people who are willing to put up with my crazy, even as they yell at me to get it together. All of these things are things that I should be thankful for, definitely.

So now, having found myself stranded on this particular problem, I know that I will just have to apply my 6 rules to the Monday Problem.

And hopefully, with enough strength of will, a good dose of friends and prayer, I will get to the part where it will be more than just thanks, it will be a celebration.

I may not have the Korean drama storyline in place, but I can do my best to embody the cheerful, hard working protagonist of those movies, and get to my own happy middle. (No endings, not yet.)

this quiz is AWESOME.

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Having read several recaps and whatnot about the awesome premiere of Chuck, the most awesome show ON EARTH, I found this great quiz, and it insists that I am most like Sarah Walker:

Which, Awesome.

Although, you know, I kind of want to be John Casey.


so, Glee is back.

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Along with Gossip Girl and How I Met Your Mother, it is the highlight of ETC's match airing schedule. Match airing is this thing that ETC does, where it airs the new episodes of shows at the same time as their airing in the US, because...that is apparently important, in some way. I guess it does make me happy to know I am watching Glee at the same time as US Tivos. (?)

Chuck, the best show on Earth since they cancelled The Class (also possibly even if The Class was still on the air, because Chuck is really awesome, period) is also back for Season 4, but since the evil people on Philippine TV are stupid, it is not match airing, or airing, in any capacity anywhere. We still have season 3 on Channel 9, but ugh. Till I get decent Internet access at home, I am reduced to TwOP summaries. (Seriously, why is no one showing Chuck? Don't people see what an awesome show it is? Is everyone just that...lame?)

Also, there are a lot of commercials on ETC. This is the first time I've seen commercials that are not about Pond's or parties on this channel. Hmm.And their cuts between commercials and the show, so not good. Someone should work on that.

Anyway, so GLEE. I love Glee. I have decided, after intense rumination in between all the books and manga and other shows that I have inhaled, that I shouldn't commit Glee to an actual story, ever. I mean, look at Popular (Ryan Murphy's pre-Glee high school set drama). That show did not make sense, and I still enjoyed it. So, even when Glee stops making sense, I will enjoy it.

Tonight's ep was titled Audition. Basically because Matt, the other non-speaking, non-singing member of New Directions, has transferred schools and they are now short one member. Unfortunately, opening sequences from the viewpoint of Jacob the incredibly creepy vlogger dude show that the Glee kids are still losers. There is an awesome quote on summer from Brittany right there:

"I know I told people I went on vacation, but I spent the summer lost in the sewers."

Another summer highlight is the apparent blossoming of romance between Tina and Mike Chang, the byproduct of Asian camp. I have so many problems with that sentence, but they were all wiped away when I saw Harry Shum Jr. dancing with his jacket open. Nice. Very nice. I always thought Mark Salling had the nicest abs in this group, but now that I see what dancing has given him...nice. Oh, and Tina agrees with me: this is the reason why she broke things off with Artie, who was in a Halo-induced haze throughout the summer.

And that was when it really hit me: this show IS back. Anyway, to get people to audition, the kids decide to perform Empire State of Mind in some place that is apparently their school's outdoor courtyard. Or something, I've never seen it before. Great cover,(And on that note, can't Alicia Keys be on this show? I mean, they could make her some new teacher, or student, I wouldn't care. She's hot enough to be either. I want more Alicia Keys.) Finn and Rachel spy some people tapping along to their songs and go after them.

Finn goes after new guy Chord Overstreet, whose name on this show I forgot, and convinces him to sing Billionaire for them. Pretty great voice, but it is possibly also an effect of him singing this song, which I really, really adore. His life is basically Finn's, anyway. Jock with voice, scared of being accused of dorkiness, yadda yadda. Rachel goes after Charice and after a rousing number of Telephone, gets so scared that the girl may get a quarter of her spotlight, that she sends her to a crackhouse. I am not even kidding. Still, the Asian community works its magic (and Harry Shum Jr gets his second speaking line!) and Charice gets to sing Listen (Is it me, or is Charice incredibly handsy?!? Stop that, girlie.) to an appreciative club, with an increasingly agit Rachel. But, snaps and swizzles, Charice decides to hop on over to Jesse and the Adrenalines, because they give her a green card, and an apartment. Word. (UAAP, your activities transcend cultures.) With Chord flaking cause he's basically Finn from Season 1, episodes 1 to 5, the club is still one member too short for New York Nationals. (Even though, I just need to point out, weren't they already not going to Nationals? Because they lost to Jesse! Can we bring Jesse back? Please!)


Artie, heartbroken after Tina ditches him for Mike's abs err for Mike, wants to get on the football team to get abs, and this is such a scarringly stupid plot that I will leave it at that. Oh and Finn gets kicked off the team because of it.
There is also the Santana gets a boob job plot, which I surmise is Ryan Murphy's way of addressing that whole Charice gets Botox thing. She basically gets demoted for it, and the main message is: why get a boob job now? You aren't even sure how large you're gonna be! Oh, and that boob jobs are so not Cheerios head captain material. But whatevs, thanks for that message. We also get a throwdown between Quinn and Santana, which is awesome, this is the first time you see Diana Agron raising her voice. See, she is more than pretty!
Oh, and also a subplot with the new coach Ms. Beist (it's French!), who Will and Sue try to bring down because she gets more money than they do. The pranks are rather idiotic, for Sue. Except the last one, where she makes Brittany accuse the coach of rape, that was scary. Also uncalled for.

It ends with Rachel and Finn daring one another to break up already. Except, as Finn lovingly points out, he doesn't need to break up with Rachel, because he is a loser now. That was so touching. The final song, What i did for love, is all Rachel as she attempts to sell the notion that she really did gleeblock Charice for the team. I love Lea Michelle. Seriously, she is awesome at selling Rachel's insecurities and such.

All in all, an awesome comeback for Glee. I loved Telephone and Empire State of Mind. And Jane Lynch, as awesome as ever. I missed you so much.

Next week, it's the Britney episode! Here's hoping there's a showdown between Britney and Brittany, over words and songs. Imagining Britney y'all-ing all over the place, is just so great. Sigh.

rock and pop are not the same

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Well, check it out, my last entry was pure bitterness. Please, if you could just skip it and head on up to this one, which, I promise, is going to be more sunshine and light. Ish.

So, I watched Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam this weekend. I just want to emphasize, before we go any further, that I liked it. I liked it, I enjoyed it. It was fun, the OST is on my Zen.

Um. um. But um. It was surprisingly fun, for a sequel. Disney has this horrible trait of making sequels suck, possibly in hopes that you will be so annoyed and hope that they make up for it in the third movie. (Which, is very George Lucas of you, Disney. Only, it doesn't work so well when there are no aliens and battleships blowing up.) Anyway, that rarely works on me: High School Musical 2 was the reason I never saw the third one. That, and the first few minutes of the trailer for HSM3: Seriously? That bleachers scene, where Vanessa Hudgens gets spotlighted and starts singing....ugh.

So anyways! Highlights of Camp Rock 2: Nick Jonas, Demi Lovato's footwear, those sweet children who also seemed to be their AV Club, the woman who plays Demi Lovato's mother (I love her, I'm trying to search for her name) and all the scenes where they were basically just showing scenery. Because those scenes were making me wonder, what kind of a lake/summer whatever place can have all the rustic pleasure (Camp Rock) on one side and have all the amenities of a hideous looking spa (Camp Star) in the other? It's like being in the boundary area between Malaban and Sta. Rosa! Or thereabouts, I'm not really sure if there is a boundary area or I just have this thing that's full of dreams when I commute.

Lowlights (haha): the liberty taken with the stories from the first Camp Rock, the Jonas Brothers think they're rock stars (and everyone lets them think it!!!), the weird lip synching that goes on, and mostly the fact that it was all Demi Lovato, all the time.

Spoilers, here we go!

The movie opens with Demi Lovato and Maria Canais-Barrera (The mother! I love her, mostly because she is also David Henrie's mother in that Wizards thing. And as much also because I want her career milestones to rub off on DH in some way, instead of letting himself go all Dlist with the fighting and resting his laurels on being the son in HIMYM, which FYI, is NOT a real gig. They are basically using steady shots from the first season, for the most part. And now you know that I stalk David Henrie. Whoops.)

Oh, gosh, where was I? Oh yeah, so let's switch to movie names now. Mitchie and her mom are on the road, driving to Camp Rock, everyone is so excited, and also texty, because she apparently has been digitally seeing Shane (Joe Jonas) for a year. Anyway, they arrive at camp, and more squealing ensues, and omygosh, Demi Lovato is wearing the cutest yellow pumps ever. Also, everyone seems to have gone to the same salon for perms. (Except for Tess, who is still straight haired and insecure. Oops, did I say that?) They enter their cabin, and everyone gets all happy updates from each other, but the important part is, what is going on with Mitchie and Shane? Mitchie stutters around some about liking him (And you know, Demi Lovato is really good at selling this, considering Joe Jonas has just dumped her. I would have done my best to try to snark it up. Or were they still together when this was filmed?)

This leads to a cut to the Jonas Brothers, whose bus is either stuck or has a flat. Shane seems to be trying to fix it, because he is incredibly motivated. For Mitchie. After a few talkies, the Jonas Brothers perform their first and possibly only piece of rock star assery: they sink their bus. Then, it sinks in that they actually did not mean to do it, and that they care about the bus way too much, and they downgrade back to popstars.

Back at Camp, we are in the middle of the first song, and Demi Lovato is now wearing cute flats. Because what do you know, there is dancing now. And I have to say, this dancing thing has improved. In the first movie, during This Is Me, Demi Lovato was so...not okay looking with the outfit and the hand gestures and the smile. Now, thanks to the practice, and maybe the heartbreak? She is okay with the dancing. They all are, it's nice to watch.

Somehow, they get to their stage thing and the Jonas Brothers arrive, and everyone is all smiles. Then, they get attacked! By raining marshmallows! It is their first official visit to Camp Star, the rival camp which is managed by the rival of their camp. Something. Basically, they have history.

They then head to campfire in the rival camp. which is apparently like a luxury resort, which, funny, could have fooled me, because it is way too Prison Break looking for me. I mean, as Claire Danes would say, for serious? If this is Disney's idea of a luxury resort, I feel like there is no need to visit Disneyland now. It may just disappoint me.

Some Camp Rockers get awed by the overall coolness Camp Star seems to exude (and also their money) and boom, camp switch! Tess is one of those who make the switch, and she becomes the Nelly Furtado to the film's Timbaland. Only less soul funk and more pop preppy. And you know, weird outfits.

The rest of the movie is spent preparing for Camp Wars: Only One Will Survive! Which is this sing/dance off between the two camps, with the rules from American Idol. And to that, can I please just say, get over yourselves, y'all! It's summer camp! Although props to Disney for this whole Auto Tune vs. Indie theme. I mean, although it seems to be just a tad pot-kettle-black. Disney, providing a lecture on how music should be original and not rely on packaging and what works? Ha.

But Still. I enjoyed the Camp Star numbers, it was Taio Cruz (and I adore Taio Cruz) meets Timbaland, only not exactly, because I couldn't remember it afterwards. (Why listen to this, when I can listen to the real TC?)

What I did not enjoy the most is that everyone seems to have had a seriously warped remembrance of the last time they were at camp. Seriously, they seem to have forgotten what happened last summer! I mean, Mitchie and Shane are their strongest singers? Does anyone not remember that Maggie (who I adore, she is on that Nick show that I sometimes like) won the challenge? And that Shane is not even technically a camper? Though to be fair, the characters were given a fair shake, somewhat, because they were fairly seen. I guess. I just don't understand why everyone was always back up to Demi Lovato, it did not seem fair.

Let's go to some of the highlights: Nick Jonas. His song, Introducing Me, is the only one I like. I mean, all of them are great, but this song is the only one that earwormed its way to my heart. Although, he had a weird vibe with the girl, he seemed cuter with this movie's Kelsi, the dance chick? I think it's Alyson Stoner, although I am not sure.
Or maybe I just did not like the girl he was paired with, because the whole sub plot was weird: She hits him with her bracelet (what was he, right in front of you? NOT.) and then they spend time spying on one another over the lake, and then they skirmish. But honestly! You don't suddenly just demand a list of random facts about a person. It's called dating, not Trivial Pursuit of Nick Jonas. (I mean, how would you break up? Do you submit a random list of bad habits that could be deal breakers and then just poof out?) Dating is in walks and texting and meals shared. And let the Romeo and Juliet angle go, because it's called a mobile phone.
Anyway, although it wasn't a very well-developed side story, he sold it well. And damn, can he sing! He's so cute! It's like, Aaron Carter in his prime awwww cute.

Demi Lovato. I know I complain that it just seems to be too much her in this one, but I can't be too hard on her: it is hard to be Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron and Ashley Tisdale all by yourself. Seriously, Joe Jonas was in about a third of the scenes, most of his activities were offscreen. They should have at least given him some other stuff to do instead of being all whiny as a boyfriend. And well, I like Demi Lovato. And her shoes, were awesome. Their pairing is great, because vocally, they are compatible. It was so difficult to listen to HSM because Zac Efron just couldn't match Vanessa Hudgens vocally: they were in different ranges.

The woman who plays her mother was great comic relief. For the most part, the humor-ish scenes were her and the other Jonas brother (the married one? Kevin, I think.) and the children! So cute, I love how they were played.


Really, my chief complaint, is that the Jonas Brothers think they are actually rock stars. I mean, what? When I think rock star, I think The Killers, White Stripes, Incubus, Kjwan, 30secondstoMars, Save Ferris...this list goes on for a good while, but my point is, THE JONAS BROTHERS ARE NOT ROCK STARS. (The only thing remotely rock star about them is the frequency and hotness of the women Joe Jonas manages to date. I mean! Taylor Swift, Camilla Belle...rawr.)

They are pop stars. Stop it with this whole "we can all be rock stars" attitude, because one of the most appealing things about rock stars is the fact that we cannot all be rock stars. It is such a misleading message to send to children! And also, WRONG!

I don't really want to get into the lip synching thing much, because I get it, it's hard to learn that. Zac Efron is the only one amazing at it, and he had to be, he couldn't sing.

Overall, it was a great follow up. Could've been better storywise (my main wish was to see a more improved Tess and Maggie, but oh well), but the songs were catchy, it had great shoes, and everyone was all cute, that I am certainly watching the next one.

lapses and stings

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I will now admit it hurts. Really, really badly. It's the same kind of hurt as the ones plaguing my officemates right now, after getting the H1N1 vaccine. (I wasn't allowed to get it, because I had allergies.) At first, you get the prick, and it's all, okay, ouch and then it's over. Then, a few days later, you realize, it still hurts.

And it isn't the regular, stinging, ouch, a thousand ants type of hurt, it's the arm-numbing, aftermath of pins and needles kind of hurt, the kind of hurt that just doesn't seem to be going away, even when you take Ibuprofen (which, just to be all linear, I am also allergic too.)

I honestly thought that we would be okay. There was a definitely more than just small part of me who thought once you had accepted me and sent me that jokey message, that we were good. That we could get to friends again.

I thought, finally, at least, at last, one birthday wish is coming true! I get to be okay with one of the people I thought I'd lost forever.

Only, you crashed that party. Hard.

And you know what makes this whole thing so much harder to take? We're fighting. And not only that, we're fighting over something I know nothing about, something that happened five years ago.

That's right: what irks the most for me is the fact that I have no concrete idea why you hate me so much.

What did I ever do to deserve such treatment from you? More than that, what did I ever do to deserve such treatment on my birthday?

I can't even credit you with not knowing it was my birthday, because it kept popping up in our window.

How can you hate me so much? I just don't understand it.

You know, this birthday is one of the worst I've ever had. Honestly, it is right up there with the birthdays my parents forgot.

And it wasn't a bad birthday because I was working, it wasn't because I wasn't able to celebrate, it isn't even because not a lot of people seemed to remember.

I can take that: I love my job, and most of the people who I love were there for me. I don't need fancy celebrations.

My birthday was awful, because of you.

It was because I was taken to task for something that I honestly still don't know about, and right now, honestly can't care about.

It was because you actually had it in you to be so spiteful and mean, on the one day when people should at the very least have done their best to not make me anything but happy.

So, thank you, for the honesty.

Thank you for being gracious enough to open me up to a whole new spectrum of human types, and human emotions.

I obviously will never know what this whole five year grudge has been all about, but I am so past that now.

You are not a person I want to be friends with, ever.

All weekend, you had me thinking I was the mean and hateful one. Surely, I must be an awful person. After all, you seem to hate me enough to ruin everything you can. What if, after all this time, I am really just that? I'm purely evil?
I know I'm shallow, and most of the time, I like to go my own way in everything. I know that I am incredibly choosy with those who get too close, and the ones that stay close.

But the one thing I have always been certain about is that I would never ever jeopardize my relationships with people I love.

And I know, deep in my heart, I would never have done anything to willingly hurt you.

Just this morning, my officemates were all smiles and ache free, because the vaccine shots pain was done.

Someday, sometime soon, I promise you, I am going to be okay. I will look back on this memory, with the airy, easy way the mind has, and see it for what it is.

A lesson on people, on friendship, and on life in the real world.


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I just had my first project presentation experience, for my second NCP project.

And it was EPIC.

The project was a qualitative study on the efficacy of a food supplement product. We were presenting preliminary results, at the funding agency office. I did part of the analysis work, so I was part of the team to come to the presentation. I think it was called a collaborative meet, because we had representatives from different agencies there, to comment and stuff.

I mostly observed and took notes, and ate (they served pastries!) but it was a great experience.

I never got to attend a presentation when I was at my former job, because those are for the senior researchers, so I can't compare if there is any difference in how market research and social research is presented, but still!

And yes, I was running on virtually no sleep because I still had to finish everything the night before, and i haven't really celebrated my birthday, like at all, but still!


At a meeting with people who worked for organizations that I hope to one day get a chance to work with!

I'm still not sure if I'm okay with basically not having had a birthday thing (Kwannie says I'm kind of pathetic, haha) but I'm certain I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on what I learned today, and the stuff I realize I still have to learn.

When we were all winding down after the presentation, discussing stuff, there was this sort of 'click' moment for me, like, aha! This is something I really want, something I truly hope to do.

I guess it is true, what they say.

Sometimes, it only takes one fulfilling job well done clap, to make all the hard work of the past few days, go away.

I feel sufficiently inspired and bouncy enough to attempt my next few lit reviews and field reqs and finishing touches on stuff.

I have a long way to go, but the point is, I'm going.

And that is an awesome birthday gift, when you think about it.

birthday bburps!

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I have a bazillion things to do, but I just neeeeeeed to destress.

This was supposed to be a post about things I wanted on my birthday, but since it is already my birthday, it seems kinda moot.

But, at the same time, well, it is my birthday. It is basically license to go on an on about myself.

Most of this will make zero sense, but for my birthday, I hope for!

1. Personal Greetings. I know, Facebook is easy, and well, cute, but sometimes, I hope that people who have access can text me or call me (haha feeler) to greet me. Sometimes, I am like Tinkerbell, only I need acknowledgement, not applause, to get through the day.

2. Happiness for those I love, and well, everyone in general. There are a lot of people who I want to stay happy and healthy, and I hope that today, they get closer to that, even for just a teeny tiny bit.

3. Forgiveness. I've been trying to mend fences for a while now, and hopefully, I am reaching a point where the persons I have hurt will come to forgive me for the things I did to them. I wasn't always (ever?) as mature as I am right now (ehem) and I sincerely hope that I can turn a new leaf for these people, and the relationships, I wish to keep.

4. My music player! I need you back, Philips! At the very least, I hope someone is taking good care of it. (I have to believe in the good, because I don't want to imagine anything awful. I can't.) Or, you can get me a Zen Creative. I'm totally not picky. haha.

5. Surprises! Most of my favorite birthday memories involve a surprise greeting card, and my birthday blowout from my Sampa roommates. A lot of the time, it really makes me feel awesomely special when people go out of their way to make me happy.

6. Chokiss' carrot cake. Hello, there is no need to explain this. It's me!

7. New shoes. I am going to take Tsukushi's (of Hana Yori Dango fame) idea to heart:great shoes take you to great places. And there was this awesome pair of shoes in Chesca, that have my name on them. Sigh. Isn't being a girl great?

8. Scott Pilgrim to show in the Philippines. My goodness, I know, it was not a worldwide success, it was a flop for some, but...I need me some Michael Cera love! Also, the trailers are so cute.

9. Movie buddies. I miss being able to just talk someone into seeing a movie with me, with no prior planning involved. Here's to hoping for that this coming year!

10. A happy crush. My current location doesn't allow for a lot of cutesy people watching, and I miss having something to randomly smile about. I hope I get a happy crush soon.

11. To see everyone: the Mega friends, the Officemates, the blocmates, the orgmates, my Sampa sisters. I want to pinch and squeal and just catch up on everybody's lives.

12. Gelato. Froyo. Cakes. Cupcakes. Cookies. Something sweet, tonight! I'd like to try a new sweets place or something, to reward myself for the difficulty that is this week.

13. Patience. I want everything too much, too soon. I hope I learn to pace myself, and remember to smell and experience everything along the way.

14. A better government. Come on. There are far too many scapegoats, and issues, and even the possibility of media regulation...I honestly hope that our president realizes he can't please everyone (and that he doesn't have to keep explaining and refuting and whining to the press about every single decision) and just get to it.

15. Awareness and a better fight for the RH bill. Surely the number of babies being left in random places is enough of a wake up call. We have to act, and act properly. Lives are at stake.

16. BOOKS. Last year, I received a ton of books from people. It's going to be difficult to get me a book this year, because, well, what if I have it already? To aid you, I have prepared the books I am longing for: Superfreakonomics, the Wicked Lovely series, the Thirteenth Tale, any of JK Rowlings' inspired by Hogwarts books, and that 1001 books to read before you die book.

17. For me to be better at my job. Everyone has been really patient with me, and has done their best to help me adjust to the nutrition stuff, but I really hope that it works out. I have a ton of new software and other stuff to learn, so here goes!

18. Less, possibly no typhoons. Please.

19. A better year, for everyone in the world.

20. For atleast three of the stuff on this list to come true? :)

Sigh. It is now 7:30, and reality chimes true.

Back to analysis!

i'm so,so,so sorry.

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*sad,sad,sad mode*

this was supposed to be a weekend of awesome: i finally f21'd myself, i got to visit the mega a's, and i managed to get to friday's and meet up with some blocmates. the next day, my mom and i went crazy shopping. (possibly, this was my fault, i was not in a happy joy joy mood, because of some skirmish thingie)

then, we met up with my brother, who lectured me on my first sin of that weekend, but whatevs, it was all good. (in case you care, i somehow managed to blow up the tv in my parents' room. i don't know how it happened, it wasn't like i WANTED it to happen. i was just trying to turn the television off, and boom. thankfully, it was a small boom. i feel bad about that and want to moan about it, but right now, i so fully can't.)

until i got home.

and i realized, my red Philips recorder was missing.

i always bring it with me, wherever i go, because, well, you never know when something annoying will happen and you will need headphones to get through whatever it is,because music is the one automatic thing that makes me feel better.

only this time, because i had that small handbag thing, i didn't put my recorder in a proper case.

and now it's gone and i want to hit myself and take back today, even if it means taking back everything i got, which, for me, is pretty serious.

i just.

i have had that recorder for six years.

six years!

that's like, enough time for a meaningful life change, an adequate and ultimately life-upping nutrition intervention, and also, for a relationship to end in marriage.

it's a long time, period.

i can't believe i lost my recorder. i can't believe i lost my recorder, but managed to save my headphones.

i want to kill myself for being so clumsy and stupid.

i fully hate myself.


that recorder was with me through a lot of academic difficulties: it was with me through 115, 165, all the other subjects. it was with me through thesis. more than that, i bought that recorder from money i made while part-timing research. it is the first thing that i've bought with money i fully earned on my own.

and that recorder was my buffer against the world: whenever i wanted to pod person myself, i just put headphones on, listen to anything and feel at peace. it helped me imagine life was a musical, because i did that piattos commercial trick, only with my music.

that recorder was with me through emo bus rides, long trips with annoying people, and as an alternate flashdrive back when all i had was the 128mb.

that recorder was my soulmate in tech devices.

and i lost it.

please come back to me, please.

the many ways to partying

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Sometime this week, a blocmate of mine who is working for a media agency and I got to chatting, and she told me about a party she went to, where she got to touch Coco Martin. A few days after, a friend of mine also told me about this movie premiere they went to, where they got free tickets to see Going the Distance, the new Justin Long movie (or is it the new Drew Barrymore? I kinda like Justin Long more now, because the fantasy that a midget-sized version of him is inside my Mac, is the only reason why I haven't whacked it over with anything yet.) My cousin is also living it up, with discounts and freebies galore.

And then, there's me.

I am basically alone here, with choco milk and soya cookie freebies.

I'm the only one without a semi-glamourous job, a job whose hours have me home at six in the evening, thereby nixing any chance of me being part of the dinner and drinks crowd with my Makati friends. I mean, I miss out on a lot: the Mega A's have had that videoke thing, and I wasn't there, I saw Inception alone, I have to actually plan in advance if I want to see people...my last semi-social outing was with Coeli, to edit Nutrikid!

I have to say it, there are moments where I really doubt myself.

Have I done the right thing, choosing this, instead of all the fun that everyone else seems to be having?

I feel like a loser, and it's something I'm not comfy with.

Sure, I wasn't exactly a party girl in college. I had my moments (I think?haha) but most of the time, I did stuff with people I really liked and enjoyed, and it was more, movies, dinner and whatnot to places. There was also a lot of fun go outs at the dorm, and well, I felt really just there, in the moment, happy.

And I don't feel that right now.

I just...I don't know.

But then, there are always things that balance it out.

I would also just like to say I'm not knocking the professions of my friends: I happen to know that it takes hard work to get to the part where you party. That's possibly a big reason why I feel sad that I'm not part of it, because I miss planning events and yelling at people over crazy ideas. The real reason, I think, is that I miss the crazy friends who are now working in those media orgs and MR firms and such.

But a large part of me knows, it isn't for me.

I just have to clear it up: I love this job. I love it, love it, love it.

Being able to engage in the kind of research that helps people is the awesomest gig in the world for me.

And I'm totally not really alone: the people here are fun and excellent, as our Pampanga photos (if I ever get to post/write about them) will show. I know that meeting people from different backgrounds and areas is doing more for me, because I feel myself becoming the less spoiled, annoying me.

As Dheng says, starting bottom is always good. Den has also always been there to remind me of The Dream. And another friend of mine did sum it up best: "cheers to socially-meaningful work!".

Remembering what I have given up/put on hold/destroyed over this also helps:I have to do this, for my family and their love for me, for my friends, who have always been with me, and who reply to the most inane text messages, even the ones about crazy impending marriages and pregnancies (my goodness, I love you people). I have to make it, if only to show the one person who matters that it is 40% for him. Most of all, I have to make it for myself, because I will quite possibly kill myself if I don't.

And I know that my job, it's not all glam and parties, but then again, I'm not exactly a glam and party girl. I'm more of the girl who cleans that up. Or the one who was there too early and left, because she wasn't sure where the party was. My type of partying involves a good eating place, a comfortable seat and hours of laughter and conversation.

Well, now that I think about it, as I sit here and laugh with the research people, while I work and try out cookies and drinks concocted by the R&D team, as I anticipate another day full of sharing and learning and new experiences, that kind of partying happens right here.

And there is nowhere else I'd rather be.

major moments

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I did not imagine it, I swear. I thought it was just an office fad, honestly. After all, it isn't even all that catchy.

But it happened.

Last night, on my bus, several people were annoyed by the bus still picking up passengers, because, they all wanted to go home. (Is it not amazing that we can be so hospitable to people we don't know, yet be so inconsiderate of the people along our daily route? It saddens me when people act like this. The bus driver was just trying to earn a living, why couldn't they have just let it go? But I digress.) Some were jeering, others were tapping the walls of the bus in annoyance, and some were calling out mean insults.

One insult stuck in my mind, and I quote:

"Tama na yan mama, major major ka!"

When I heard that, I was all, omygosh. Did someone really just use major major? As an expression? My head reeled, because I honestly thought it was just an office thing. (See, my officemates and I now keep saying 'in a major way'. It's the new 'like a pyramid' only, it makes sense.)

But now, the words
major major
are everywhere: the media keep using it, people on the streets, my mother...wow.

Venus Raj's answer to her Ms. Universe Final Question is now an expression.

Honestly, when I first heard her question, I thought, she can totally win this. The other questions struck me as too technical, but her question was personal: she could really show herself in her answer. Then she answered, and, boink.

But having had some time to think about it, I realize that, really, it's all about the pressure: some of us flail and forget things we've known for life under it, some succumb to criticism in saddening ways, and there are just some people who are incredible morons. (For the record, I really think those college students and policemen ARE IDIOTS. You people have no sense. At all.)

You have to wonder at the kind of pressure she was under, and now, I have come to the conclusion that unless you are one those women who have to answer to a country, you have no right to judge. (This whole answering to a country thing has made me think: is there a PTSD thing attached to this? Like, perhaps, after becoming part of Ms. Universe, do you now look over your shoulder every time someone calls your country? What an interesting study that would be.)

And for the most part, Ms. Raj has handled the Ms. Universe experience and everything that goes with it, quite well, even taking home fourth place. (This also takes us on another tangent: considering the reactions people are having to her Ms. Universe finish, this means that the Filipinos's sense of sayang supersedes their sense of entitlement, that is the luto mentality. After all, usually after international anything, we go crazy when we lose. Now, we go crazy cause of something real.)

Honestly, I am actually in awe of her answer. It takes major (no pun intended) guts to say what she did. After all, most people would expect a motherhood statement as an answer. But she was honest enough, and confident enough, to say that she didn't see herself as someone who has made any major mistakes. (And just to point it out, just because she said she hasn't made any major mistakes, doesn't mean that she said she hasn't made any.) Even more, she is standing by her answer.

I'm glad she isn't the typical beauty queen.

In this country, we all need reality checks.