i would like to blame you

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for being on facebook.
for being on twitter.
for generally being friends with people i am also friends with.

this is why it is your fault, why i have low (non-existent?) impulse control.


i'm stopping now.

i swear, i swear, i swear i am.

i am singing over it by katharine mcphee as i type this.

once i post it, i am never looking at you (online) again.

good luck on june 7!

reconnecting on a layered budget

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A silly dream I've always indulged when I thought of starting my working girl in the city phase of life is that, somehow, my friends would be in easier reach. Like, dinner or drinks or lunch, maybe every other day. Or at the very least, once a week.

Sadly, dreams are infinitely far from the truth, so the most I get is everyday YM, and sometimes, the occasional bumping in the MRT. But even that is rare, because we're all just so freakin' busy.

Having had it, I bullied my ex husband and my current wife into a dinner date.

Of all the people I met in college, taxi boy and secret bear have always been my constants. We met in Baguio, stayed together till Diliman, through all the crazyyyy subjects, fun professors and occasional fights.

**That's it. I hate talking about people in code. It doesn't make sense, anyway.Stopping now.**

We made arrangements to have dinner and conversation at Mega last night, at 7 pm. Ofcourse, we managed to meet up at 8, because...we're all adults now, and had work to finish. (sigh. being an adult seriously blows sometimes)

Anywayyyy. I met up with Noy first:

He now works for mediaedge, with two of our blocmates, doing digital planning, and stalking of media preferences. haha. I'm proud of him because he says he takes the mrt AND the bus now.

After a few minutes of enlightening conversation (only my love for you is preventing me posting some of those lines), Den arrived! She works for FunRanch, marketing and ticket cutting. Hee. We went there once, it is wall-to-wall children. And awesome.

Since it was dinner on a layered budget (layer 1 being price and layer 2 being time), we had a rather trying time finding a place to eat. Eventually, we made our way to Curry Curry House. (guess what they serve)(Wow. I just realized I have a solo shot of Noy and none of Den. Ehem.)

I had porktericurry, Den had chickenterricurry and Noy something with spareribs. (sparericurry?)

It was okay, since I have to admit I did harass the waitress into hurrying. Plus, the decor was cute. Cows. I love cows. Well, New Zealand cows, because they have spots.

We even managed to get a group shot:

All in all, it is the most relaxing dinner I've had in ages. I even enjoyed all the teasing from Ninoy. (okay, maybe not so much. namiss ko lang siguro. haha) These two always give me a good knock knock on the head perspective about everything, which I currently need right now.

Sadly, being on a time budget tends to lessen our conversation time, but we did make the best of it. (Next time, we meet at 6pm. Or on a weekend. Or a holiday!)

Later, after an unsuccessful and eventful roam around the mall for cheap ice cream, I realized that this is something we need to do. It's not about finding spare time to be with people you love, it's making the time to be with them. I don't care how many smileys they invent, it's seeing an actual smile (yiheee dimples) and hearing real laughter that makes the difference.

And to my denden and my noynoy, thank you. It was fun, even if there was no ice cream, and I was only a gulaman in that conversation. All that yelling in the MRT? Priceless.

**I apologize for the sucky photos. I was having too much fun. :D

I think I am over you.

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While walking to Mega today with KC, our conversation centered around male/female friendships.

She felt that friendship was clearly not possible between the two, because someone was bound to fall in love, someone was bound to not and boom, ruined friendship.

I don't know what got into me, but I suddenly started spilling about my sad friendship story, the ultimate reason why I think friendship and romantic love should be mutually exclusive.

Usually, when I tell someone how you trampled all over me, I cry. Or atleast get sad enough to need a destress mechanism.

And I kept waiting for it, for tears or any vague sense of anger or annoyance or general 'I hope my recollection of you makes you trip over yourself' feelings.

But I didn't have them.

I don't have them anymore.

And tonight, after dinner, I tried to feel sad enough to write about it.

But I don't feel sad.

I don't feel happy, or mad, or glad that those feelings are gone.

I feel nothing for you, and I don't know how I feel about that.

be happy, get preggy!

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This weekend was a veritable landmine of ass kicking--verbal asskicking.

Last week, OT was more unavoidable. (I usually only stay till 8, because home is rather far, so I'd rather continue the work there, but now I fall asleep like, once I step on my house.haha) So I stayed late several times.

Unfortunately, my brother was home because summer classes are over. And he noticed I was coughing and wheezing and staying late and decided to let me have it.

Last Friday, the moment I got into the car, he lighted into me about how I was being irresponsible, how I was unhealthy, how I was all manners of things that did not suit my current work life.

I managed to get out of it by pointing out that I was resigning. My brother only told me that this nutrition thing better not have the same hours as this market thing.

I love it when people I love reduce my career into meaningless groups. Not.


The second ass kicking came this Sunday, when I attended a friend's christening.

She was glowing.

I have nothing against becoming a shiny, happy person. But she was glowing, literally, like she'd discovered the secret to life. Like that person who wrote that book, The Secret. (Which I still don't get. The secret, apparently is knowing you can or something. Some secret.)

Momy and I talked about it and she went, yes, she looks awesome. Gosh, I want a baby.

This shocked me. Not that she's particularly career minded or anything, but we're 21. Babies? Whoa. But another friend echoed this sentiment to me, saying she also saw it in her barkada and well, wow.

Okay, so my plan has always been if I ever do feel the need to get into the whole family thing, it'll be in the wayyyy future. Like years from now. When I get all that I want, so that I can be an awesome mom and wife. (let's ignore my trophy wife ambitions for the moment, that's like, fallback career number three) Because, let's face it, I am so incredibly selfish right now, I feel for this child if I do have one now.

But people my age are doing the marriage thing and being awesome at it.

While I am nowhere near that scale of completion in my own life.

It just makes me wonder if there is something wrong with my own goals and hopes and dreams. I have no personal goal, save my wish of visiting Venice before it sinks.

What does it say about me that they all revolve around grad school and my dream job?

for more digital funnnn

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After an inspiring conversation with one of my favorite tech geeks, I decided to take the tech plunge. Sort of.

I'm okay with technology. Gadgets make life easy. I mean, I probably won't die without my phone, but it is easier to have one.

The one thing i will never be okay with is the ebook. I still find those incredibly annoying, because really, nothing can ever compare to a real book. The scent, the rustle of turning of pages, the incredibly cute bookmarks...it's different. Plus, anything that attaches me to my mouse reminds me of work.


I'm rather okay with technology, but one of my low points has been portable memory. That is, the USB.

I got my first and only USB from my dad, as he is some sort of tech freak. He got me a 128 Kingston USB, back when no one knew what a USB was.
Back then, I was rather attached to diskettes. (what? they come in different colors!)
Still, it was fun only carrying one thing to a print shop.

I used that USB till third year college, since I had Laptop, and didn't need a USB. Finally, my roommate, taking pity on me, gave me one of her spare USBs.(I still don't get why she has a spare one)

It's what I use for work now, although people have been snickering at me for it.

But honestly, there is nothing wrong with 512 memory. That's one Chuck episode, a couple of songs and photos. It's enough!

Unfortunately, my favorite (of the moment) tech geek shared his dream toy/gadget with me. And I shared my dream USB with him. And because of the insults, I found myself at the mall and...bam:

I bought myself a 4 GB USB, perfect for me. I was vacillating between an 8 GB one, and this. Mainly because the 8GB ones came in different colors, and 4GB was just black. I mean, my trophy wife training seems to be faltering if I start considering black. But in the end, my need to buy a gift for someone won out. (this must mean maturity. yeahbahhh)

I even made some song out of it. Well, poem:

4 GB is enough for me!
1 GB for work, 1 GB for play,
2 more for whatever comes
my way!


I really should get away from Laptop now.

so this is heartbreak.

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oh this is hard.

this is hard, this is so hard.

i thought when i finally found the One, it would be easy.

doesn't the alchemist have that crap downpat? when you find the dream,all the world conspires to help you achieve it?

the world should be lining up to my the One right now, but it's not.

instead, i feel my heart breaking everytime i tell someone that i'm leaving.

it confuses me and muddles with my head, all these comments.

because they are partly right.

if you love it right here, why leave?
it's only been two months, how do you know this isn't The Dream?
are you sure?

Am I?

Am I Sure?

i don't know.
i have nothing to say, really, except...
because it's my dream. it's always been The Dream.

and i need to take a chance because this dream seems close and i can feel it.

i can sense that this is right.

oh, but why does it have to break my heart?

i love this layout!!!

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Since the chances of getting to an actual beach seems rather rare these days, I have to settle for beachwear and surrounding myself with beach-ish items.

This layout qualifies.


Oh, would that I could step into it.

a sweet moment along the evening commute

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Most days, I spend weeknights rushing from work to catch the MRT, squeeze around it and run around ayala to get to my father. When it's early, I pass brightly lit shops, and the occasional sale. When it's late, I usually have to go roundabout and pass seemingly carefree people, all on their way to parties and dates and stuff. Then, I'd have to remember to get my dad a snack for his after jog meal, and hunker down the steps of the Landmark, waiting for him to pick me up.

Needless to say, none of THAT make for a very happy me.

Perhaps I am extremely shallow, but I rather liked when I was a student and was on my own timetable. I could browse in shops, go on to parties and there would be no rush, no hurry.

But sometimes, there are moments that just make you appreciate all the people you bump into along the way.

I've always been a people watcher, so I was busy taking note of a girl with her umbrella:

I've always been partial to watching children, and this one was wearing a cute dress, and dancing around with an open umbrealla. At night. Awesome. Anyway, just as I was having fun, a lolo and lola came out of Landmark. They were both laden with groceries, and looking in sync for all the world to see.
Watching elderly couples is also another guilty pleasure of mine, particularly because of Up (if you haven't seen it, see it. now. do not finish this.) I like seeing real life Ellies and Carls running around. They make me believe in love being a possibility, even for someone as high maintenance as me.

Seeing as there was no space, I offered this Ellie my place. She sat down and I stood near them in companionable silence, me going back to watching the girl. I was struck by the similarities between the young girl's dress and of the Ellie, so I imagined she must have looked much the same as a girl.

Their car (a BMW. nice.) suddenly pulls up, and I smile at the couple as they shuffle along. Suddenly, this Ellie rolls her window down and asks me where I live, so she can take me home.
I am speechless, and incredibly touched but I say thanks and explain about my jogging father.

They leave me in a blare of lights and beeps. Several feet away from me, I see the young girl, fading and dancing away in the distance.

***i know, i know it is wrong to take photographs of people unaware, but i could not resist. in fact, i have to leave you with this shot when i was sitting with this ellie and carl: