party girl failure

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This was an actual conversation between me and an Opus employee:

A: Hi! I um, left my clothes there the other day. Do you think it's possible---
OE: (cuts me off, in a judgement-filled voice) I'm sorry, Ma'am, did you just say you Left Your Clothes here?
A: Oh. Well, yes. In your bathroom. I mean, I wasn't wearing them at the time.
OE: (Silence, loaded with more judgement) I see.
A: No, that-that doesn't mean what you think it means! I mean (senses that everything is going nowhere,fast)
 Look, I just left a plastic bag of clothes in your bathroom. Would it be possible that they're still there?
OE: Well, we do have a lost and found section for...incidents. You can come by and check there.
A: Terrific! I'll do that! (while vowing in my heart to never do that, and possibly, never to return to Opus, ever again)

GAH. How humiliating.

The office party was jarring in more ways than one. For one thing, it was quite different from the NCP party, although both also had public humiliation (Goodness, I thought CRS would be the last time I'd ever have to get costumes for anything. If I'd known, I would never have thrown out my wings. Eeek, wings.) But it was less...conservative, I guess. I don't have a better word for it. 

I was also a lot more tired. I had just finished the Q1 FTV plan, and was honestly hoping to beg off the Christmas party. I wanted a more private party. My bed, my dreams, me asleep. Unfortunately, that was not to be. Also, the party theme was my life motto, so I couldn't not go. Also hello, massive amounts of free food! Plus, I feel like I'd have been teased for not going. Sigh. And I kind of still need to ease up on my pikon self.

So, I went and lost my clothes in the process. I should clear that up, as it sounds so wrong this way. They were my earlier, office clothes. I had to change clothes to my performance get up and then to my party dress, so I somehow missed the office clothes. Most probably due to liberal amounts of Vodka Sprite, Rum Coke and I think beer, somewhere. (It was most definitely the beer. I only ever get cray-cray over that, that's my alcoholic Kryptonite.)

I want to maintain that I wasn't drunk. If that was me drunk, she was an improvement over old me drunk, cause she was way boring. :) I definitely remember everything I did that night, and can even state that I left my clothes in the bathroom. (My BAG OF CLOTHES) But I do wish I'd eaten more and drank nothing, because I was running on 3 hours of sleep. (Never drink on empty, people!) I think I went a little hard on the alcohol, cause I was feeling celebratory, so there it was.

Now, it's the next day and I'm not even hung over, which kind of takes the whole sting out.

My only real sadness is that I lost my 'Ignorance is Boring' shirt, plus my favorite tube top. I love that shirt. And it was a limited edition, so I'll never get another. Sigh. Plus, my favorite tube! That one went with everything! GAH.

I can't quite say it's been interesting. I'm hardly a straight-edge girl but then again, perhaps judgey people,even ones you don't know, will do that to you.  Make you feel all twisty and sad inside, even when you were maybe only a little bit in the wrong. And shows you, that, clearly, party girl is nawt ever going to be a dimension of you. (My Trophy Wife training is beginning to be doomed.)

Ehe. Okay, perhaps I was quite a bit more wrong than that. But still.

Atleast now I know what it feels to lose my clothes in a public place. :)

view, muse, hmmmm.

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Just got in from work. GAH. Somehow, going back to the late hours feels different these days. It sometimes feels like I was on a really long vacation at NCP. Although, let's be fair, I had late nights there, too. It's just that right now, it seems that I can count how many times I don't have late nights...on one hand? (haha exag to the max!)

Anyway, I'm here in the new dorm (it is just the year of movement for me!) and I just have to share the view out my window:

Guess the buildings!
Weird, fakey shot*

Sooooo much better than the previous view out my window in my old boarding house. And so different from the view from my real room,where trees and fences and the occasional cat/bird napping near my window sill. Heh. 

But, strangely, I like this view.

I've always said that I will always, always be a country person. I mean, the city is great for visits, and shopping. But now, seeing as I'm nawt staying in one place, safely cocooned in an area with it's own laws and movie theaters (School, how I miss you.), I kind of see how many other things I can appreciate about the city. Which, in a lot of ways, mirrors how I feel about life in the actual city/current job, as compared to, well, Diliman.

Like how much you can learn just from getting lost everywhere. Or how many people you can meet when you open yourself up to it. Or how fun it is to become one of the boys. And how, sometimes, no matter how difficult the OT/shoot/event/meeting is going, a part of you still feels like it's worth it. 

Maybe I'm too tired. Or maybe I'm trying my best to be hopeful, because I am for serious tired these days.

But I do feel that I'm doing the right thing, sometimes. 

I just have to hope and pray and leave the rest up to Fate. :)

*I swear, I am useless with a camera. You would think I'd be better at this, but I am so nawt. Perhaps when I become a Trophy Wife, I will be able to expend more effort into my photography skillzzz. Heh.

burnout, pending.

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"Do not confuse
your job with
your Life."
(Captain Awesome, Chuck)


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The other day, my heart was warmed because my Lola tendencies towards technology led to a cute Facebook note from one of my Sampa sisters. I'm linking to it here, but I'm certain not everyone will see it, so with her permission, I repost the note below:

Ang Mathematical Symbol ng Pag-ibig: <3 

by Lian Martecio on Thursday, 1 December 2011 at 21:24

Napansin mo ba na ang shortcut keys ng simbolong ♥ ay isang matematical equation? Bakit nga ba less than sign at number three ang simbolong bumubuo sa pusong ito? Hindi ako Mathematician pero may teorya ako. Ibig lang atang sabihin nito na sa isang relasyon, hindi maaaring 3 o higit pa ang involved. Sabi nga sa ingles, "Three is a crowd". Kung hindi mo pa rin naiintindihan, BAWAL ANG THIRD PARTY!

Pero parang pinapahiwatig din nito ang realidad na hindi naman palaging 2 kayo sa relasyon. Yun siguro yung ideal. Yun yung gusto ng marami. Yun ang nakakakilig. Pero sabi nga ni KC Concepcion, "Hindi lahat nadadaan sa kilig".

E paano kung mag-isa ka lang? Unrequited love ang drama, teh? Ay, ang sakit. :_( 
Minsan naman (o madalas) parang Coke lang ang
Pwede ring maging negative. Yun siguro, kahit sarili nya di nya kayang mahalin. Nyaks! :/

So dapat pala ang formula ng ideal na pag-ibig ay ito: |2| (absolute value of 2). Walang labis, walang kulang.

Kaya siguro marami ang naloloko at nabobobo ng dahil sa pag-ibig...

Kasi marami sa atin ang ayaw sa Math. Ayaw pag-aralan. Ayaw intindihin. 

Inuulit ko, hindi ako Mathematician. Hindi rin ako love expert. Nagmamarunong lang :)

Ikaw, anong equation ng lovelife mo?

You're wondering what it has to do with me. After all, I have no Love (and sometimes, no Life?) to speak of. :) It's all because I watched the latest Star Cinema romcom, Won't Last A Day Without You, starring Sarah Geronimo and Gerald Anderson. 
I don't know why I watched it, honestly. Well. I watched it because it's a thing, always has been, to watch Sarah Geronimo movies. We (my friends and I) adore her. I've always watched this with a certain group of friends but our schedules never seem to match, so I watched with other friends. :)

 And I found it so nice that I made it my Facebook status, saying that if I only knew how to make the heart sign appear on Facebook, I'd be using it for the movie. One of my friends saw this and told me how to make the heart sign. (For other Lola Facebook users, it's the less than sign (<) plus the number 3.)

She says she came up with her note because I kept bothering her about the hear sign, heh.

I guess I agree with what she says. Love, the romantic, squee-inducing SarahG-GeraldA Love, is hard, especially when it's more or less than two people.

I've been through both kinds (the more than and the less than) and both are not enjoyable. I guess it's because I'm not very good at Math. 

Still, right now, being in love with myself is quite enough. Atleast I know when I give myself shoes, they won't be used to leave. :)

But then again. 

Then again, I don't know. There's just something about being in Love, it's some sort of eternal high. I have officemates who are ridiculously happy and in love and it's great to see them that way. I can't help but sigh and wish for the same for myself.

Ah well.

I'm certain my co-absolute value is around here, somewhere, hopefully wondering the same thing.

***One nerdy side-aside-note, can you believe that people are now doing this kind of thinking about Facebook symbols? Oh Computers, you are Everywhere.

working my way to Happiness

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I'm a Coca-Cola Bottle! :)
It's always nice to see how projects you're part of appear in real life. 

Today was Coca-Cola's Christmas Tree Lighting, and Starlink was there to help out and make merry. Truthfully, it was touch and go for a while, with all the prep and the running around. One learning to carry with me forever, NEVER wear heels when you're going to be running around. Your feet will hate you.*

Sigh. As tiring and crazy everything is lately, there are moments when everything evens out. 

Somehow, even with all of the thoughts weighing me down right now, I try to do what I can and pray, pray, pray that everything will work out.

*This clashes with Trophy Wife Training, though. Sigh. 
**Photo courtesy of F Chavez. 

nothing, really.

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I'm sick. :(

Gah, that sad smiley (I've always found that a bit of a misnomer. Sad Smiley.) belongs there. I'm coughing and annoying everyone around me. This long weekend is a big blessing, if only because I was able to just lay around and comfort by body with copious amounts of television and reading.

I wish more long weekends existed. Honestly, one of the key reasons to miss school would be this: the knowledge of steady vacation times. When I think of all the times I went to summer school or stayed at the dorm during weekends to prep for tests/presentations, I want to shake my younger self.

Now, in my wish to avoid traffic tomorrow, I am back at the boarding house, just being my bright and sunny self. Not.

There's something about being sick that makes me more downers than usual. I feel like everything is such a waste of time: movement, conversation, even sticking to a point on this entry.

But I feel like writing, even crappily, is something that I should stick to more.

Some thoughts pouring and shoving and shuffling around in my head:

  • I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall last night, to further explore my love for Jason Segal. Well, did I ever get some exploration done. I honestly thought it would be like 500 Days of Summer, and I was shocked that it was...not. At all. Still, it was fun. If only to remind myself that clearly, some things end to make way for better, nicer, less annoying things.
  • I also updated my TVD streak, and holy plotlines, Batman, is that show on a tear. I really rather love Evil Stefan best. I also love how adorable Caroline is, and how we're slowly building Bonnie up. I rather don't like the gaps in the transfer of the Salvatore manse to Elena's name (Have we all forgotten the house is hers? Why is everyone living there now?!), the "Siring" tomfoolery and all the jerking around of poor Matty. Stop hurting the sweetest human being on the show, Show.
  • I can't believe it's Christmas. I mean, it's Christmas. Wow. 
  • This Halloween, as a pirate, marks maybe the first time I have ever made an effort for Halloween's sake. 
  • I wish, wish, wish, hope, pray that tomorrow is a bright day, full of clear-minded people and solid talks. 
  • Also managed to catch the latest GG. That Prince Louis is still beautiful and lispy. Sigh. I can't quite accept this Blair-Pregnancy storyline, so I'm only watching the show sporadically, but I certainly hope this show's writers know where they're going. Even if they're only able to give nudges to people about the loves of their lives, and such.
  • GAH, tomorrow in a few short hours. 
  • Please no more coughing tomorrow, PLEASE.
  • I just saw this feature on the news and it turns out there are people who live in cemeteries. Dear me, that just makes me sad. 
I have to sign off, cause I'm just prattling on about nothing.

Let's pretend it's still the night of my birthday, only...

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I know what happens in the days after it. :)

I had already resigned myself to a day of the Sads for this birthday. It was a fact, because (should there be an s somewhere...):

1. I would be waking up alone on my birthday. I wasn't at home, there were no roommates to decorate our room with silly balloons and cake. (My roomie is in Macau for the weekend)

2. I wouldn't have jibes from co-workers, because none of them knew it was my birthday. That's all on me, of course. I could have said something, but I didn't. Mostly cause, I'm just nawt the kind of person who does that. I wish I were less painfully shy. I'd probably be able to work through a lot of my issues if I were. As it is...boom.

3. I wouldn't be going home from the weekend, as I had committed to a Live Positively event. (I still don't know how to explain it without anyone laughing at me, but it's just that I forgot it was my birthday, okay? That can happen.)

So I was set for it to be lonely. But it wasn't. Mostly because I always seem to underestimate the lovely people who I call my friends, and overestimate my own freaky future minded self.

I spent the night before my birthday helping the cause of male objectification along, with two of my favorite girls. We drank a little, laughed a lot, enjoyed ourselves silly. A fascinating conversation with a cabdriver also helped usher my birthday in. So I wasn't alone, not at all.  I was so surrounded, it seemed silly to have worried.

First off, I get a lovely start to my day with texts and calls from people wishing me a happy birthday. I know everyone greets on Facebook. I myself do that, when I don't have the person's number, or when he or she is too far away for me to greet properly. But there is something about the extra effort it takes to text me personally, that always gets me. Perhaps it is too too of me to expect messages and the like beyond Facebook. But it is what it is. :)

Then I got some fun surprises when my officemates found out it was my birthday. I even got a pancit canton party (pancit canton FTW). I love a good surprise, and this one really did knock me for a bit. It was lovely, and messy and very, very Starlink.

The next day, I got to do my best to give back to the world by joining the International Coastal Cleanup in Bataan. I still have bruises on my legs, and I nearly lost my glasses, and I fully lost my dignity after a boating incident gone awry, but I am mostly happy, healthy and good vibing it all the way.

That day also gave me a wonderful, peppy surprise from my SAREHA sisters: they managed to score me a ticket to Cheerdance! Ofcourse, they told me this when I was in Bataan knee-deep in mangroves, but I did my best and rushed to Araneta. I ended up on a hysterically random, ambience-destroying dinner (for everyone else around us) in Cubao X, at Bellini's. Best pasta ever, though.

And that, was my birthday. Sure, there were some misses: a few people intent on breaking my heart managing to dent it, the absence of a Happy Crush birthday greeting, my losing shoes...but overall, this birthday, was AWESOME, Y'ALLS.

I don't know where I'm going with all I just wrote. I suppose I just want it all to make sense in my head, how sometimes, my overly emotional self should stay more grounded in reality. I always seem to take the route of 'it's all gonna get bad, bad, bad' all the time, that I realize how much better it is when I just flow and power through. Mostly, I should let everyone else power through with me. I should stop looking towards the future, and just be HERE.

This whole birthday has shown me one thing: I have the most amazing, most blessedly wonderful friends. They show me everyday that the future is always going to be tomorrow, and that today is for me. So right now, with the awesomesauce vibes still flowing, that's all I'm feeling.

Focus on today, focus on today, focus on today. :)
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"And yet I know I am too young, 
that we're too young, for me to live my life
only as it relates to you. How can you now ask me 
to arrange my life around you?" 

(Megan McCafferty, Fourth Comings)

semi reviewee: Dream High!

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I just finished watching Dream High.

Well, technically, I've been watching it for a good while...ever since it started and ended and kept alive through all the fan efforts that people have made (thank you, fans! y'all are awesome!).
The fan efforts are actually a big part of the reason why I'm doing this semi-reviewee. I just wanted to have my own itty bitty spot of squee and kilig thrills for the way Dream High makes me feel. A big heartfelt konbanwa, for getting me through this weekend of weeps.

Full disclosure: I'd really, really like to make a review-wee, but I'm afraid my state of mind won't allow it. I'll just be 'Everyone in this shiz is so adorable!' or 'Oh high school love, are you really that real?' which are both not good ways to go for a review. I've decided to make the review in a notes style thing, because I don't have it in me to hold a narrative together. So you all now know that I adore this drama to bits and pieces. That's important to remember as we go in.  

Also, SPOILERS forever. This isn't really a review so much as an appreciation of Dream High, so it doesn't matter! Much.

PLOT: Dream High is a Korean drama from KBS. It's about six high school students who study in a performing arts school, Kirin Arts High, and the challenges they face on the way to their dreams of earning a place in the Korean entertainment industry. Buzz about this drama was mostly because of the cast, which was composed of almost all idol stars. When the promos and rumors over it was starting, people were simultaneously elated and fearful because, idol drama?! Apparently, there is some support for the belief that idol stars crossing over into acting earns more misses (Kim Hyunjoong, I'm looking at you) than hits (Lee Seunggi! I always have to mention you, because fangirl! :D). 

Our Main Three: Jinguk/Hyemi/Samdong
 THOUGHTS: Honestly, when I saw the stills, I had already decided to watch because one of the main characters was Lee Ji-eun, better know as the singer IU. I have a huge, huge, huge love for IU and her adorable songs. Plus she makes really great jokes. So I thought maybe she can act. Aren't jokes acting? Anyway, IU is the only Kpop singer I'm truly invested in. (We're talking logging major YouTube hours, all of her albums, learning lyrics...) So knowing she was in this made me go for it. Another reason was the premise: there are schools that allow you to pursue such things! I have several friends who I think would be perfect for places like this. A lot of them are karaoke-obsessed, so if they enter a school like Kirin, awesomesauce!

CHARACTERS: Ohhh characters. We have the six main leads, almost all idol stars. Please note that I have almost zero expectations of everyone except IU, because my Kpop experience is limited to her, and sometimes, to Suju and Shinee cuts people leave on my Wall or email.
Here we go:
  • Go Hye Mi - Suzy, from girl group Miss A. Hyemi's a snob, through and through. She thinks Kirin (and all not classical music) is beneath her. Rich, beautiful, she's a vocal genius with early admission to Julliard's pre-college program. Unfortunately, Hyemi's family loses everything and she is forced to make a deal with the Nicest Gangsters in the World to honor their debts. The deal: to enter Kirin and debut as a top idol star and make buckets of money to pay the debt. Along the way, she meets Samdong and realizes her dreams.
  • Song Samdong - Kim Soohyun, Cutie. The only actor of the six main leads. He was also in Will It Snow for Christmas. Samdong is a country boy with a gift: he hears any sound and is able to recreate it afterwards. Sort of like a photographic memory, only it's aural? He is also pure and sweet and innocent times a billion. He falls in love with Hyemi at first sight, and his actions are always driven by two things: Hyemi and music. Fun fact: likes to borrow Jinguk's underwear.
  • Hyun Shihyuk/Junguk - Ok Taecyeon, 2PM. I sort of remember him from Cinderella's Sister as the really sweet baby boy who likes to carry girls around. In this one, he plays gangster-ish runaway Jinguk who has mad dancing skillz. Also likes to dance his angst away. He falls in love with Hyemi
  • Yoon Baek-hee - Ham Eunjung, T'ara! I love Eunjung! She was in Coffee House as a ditzy, wildcat hunting barista. Heh. She's so purty. Here, Baekhee is Hyemi's bestfriend turned rival. She fights for what she wants and never gives up.This occasionally leads her to make the wrong choices but she ultimately finds her way, with copious moments of angst dancing, help from Teacher Shin, and ofcourse, Jinguk. When I first found out she wasn't main female lead, I was really flummoxed. I mean, she has more experience! But when I compare Baekhee's arc to Hyemi's, I realize that Eunjung made the right choice in going for this role. Certainly required more acting chops than main lead. 
  • Jason - Jang Wooyoung, 2PM. I only met 2PM through this drama, so the only thing I took from the photo previews for the show was that he had a really weird English accent. But then I realized he and IU were being paired and I was all, ohmygoodness the cuteness. Jason is Perfect. He sings, he dances, he opens doors for girls and he could probably be an astronaut, if he was so inclined. That's his main flaw: his disinterest in everything. He's in it if it's fun but the moment that stops, he stops. He meets Pilsuk and his love for her (squeeeee) helps him see that there's more to life than fun.
  • Kim Pilsuk - Lee Jieun/IU. IU!!!! I love IU! Super girl crush. Sigh. She's so cute. I long to have someone to sing Good Day to! Urp. Going back, Pilsuk has the voice of an angel and she seems like she'd be a shoo-in for Kirin. Only, she's fat. Upon entry to Kirin, Pilsuk falls in love with Jason, whose good manners she mistakes for something more (well, that guy is in every high school, isn't he? :D ). After a lipsynching disaster, Pilsuk decides to lose it all: the weight, the boy and gain herself. I know. I kind of don't really like this part where she had to lose weight, but Korea seems to really be stuck in the size zero zone of women. It would be unrealistic if she didn't atleast try to change. Annoying, but realistic.
We also have:
  • Awesome teachers Kang, Yang and Shi. The three of them also share what has to be the most awkwardly hilarious love triangle EVER. 
  • The Nicest Gangsters in the World. Seriously, what kind of gangster dotes on his captors this much? It's so weird it's awesome.
  • Cameos, cameos, cameos. We have the little sister from Coffee Prince who I adore, and who actually really does pass for a high schooler. Sigh. And also Kim Hyunjoong and Winter Sonata Guy. Can I just say, those two look alike. They could be siblings. Or father and son? Most of 2PM also made appearances.
  • Gu Hye Sun, Hyemi's precocious, precious little sister. I love her. She gets more Jinguk action than Hyemi and she's like four. 
THOUGHTS:  They're all awesome. (Hahaha, see? Worthless.) But for serious. The acting was stilted at times, and it was a little hard to bear, especially in scenes when one person would be giving their all and the other person was sort of just..there. Standouts would be Kim Soohyun and Ham Eunjung. Pity they didn't have any scenes together, like at all. It was hard to watch Suzy at times. I know she's received flak for her acting, so this isn't anything new. It was actually better for me if the scene was Taecyeon and her, because they're better matched, acting wise. Soohyun would be crying and Suzy would be all, uhuh I'm saaad. Engk. Still, she did improve over time, so that was nice to see. Ofcourse, the Eunjung+Taecyeon scenes were rather nice, too. I think Eunjung has that skill that allows the person she's in the scene with be more in the moment. I remember liking Hyemi more when they were together. 

Baekhee: Dance your Angst Away

 As for Pilsuk and Jason, Wooyoung is really cute. We've already established that IU is my heart. My favorite scene was a duet between Pilsuk and Samdong, where the time was spent showing Jason alternately frowning and smiling at them. Priceless. My complaint would be that we don't develop Jason and Pilsook as much as the main four, they're mostly there to provide cuteness when things get angsty to the extremes. I'd have liked a better backstory for Jason. I mean, we never even got his last name. Tchh.

The supporting was great. I really, really like Teacher Shin. I loved the scenes where she got giddy after being thanked in the album, and also her hairclip madness. Such a cutie. She's also a really fun drunk. Everyone was really fun. 

OVERALL STORY THOUGHTS: Hyemi was a risk, one that paid off rather nicely. I think it's a lot more difficult to make things work if your heroine is really hard to relate to, and her robot tendencies and antagonistic ways really made me work hard to like her. I think the moment I started warming up to her was when she was helping Samdong out with the official showcase. It was a sweet moment, and it made me go, alright, OTP! Samdong and Taecyeon are rather typical boy leads, though I do like that they aren't actively fighting with each other for the girl. It's very cute, all the scenes of underwear sharing and reminding of difficulties. 
Baekhee will always be the one closest to my heart, ofcourse. I identify with all that she went through, and the choices she made were quite organic to her character. Of all of them, she was really the one who discovered herself. My one misgiving is the unfulfilled Jinguk love. I mean, there were so many parallels, so many obvious 'duh, get together, you two!' moments there. Honestly, they had more of a sizzle than Jinguk-Hyemi. Sigh. As cute as Hyesun is, the pedo-ness of that just rankles.
As for the reason I watched, Pilsuk was amazing. I love how she did her best in everything, and never gave up. I could've done without the weight loss for Jason angle, though. I mean, I know we get payoff BIGTIME when we realize when he fell for her. But I'd have liked her to have lost weight for herself, not anyone else. I've already said I wished Jason had gotten more of a story, so I'll only say the same of him, as with Pilsuk, he should've wanted direction in life for himself, not because of her. I like to think of it as them being each others' catalysts for change, and that they wanted it themselves, to make me feel better. :)

Milky Couple FTW

  • Everything. Every moment, Love. :D
  • But for serious: portmanteau couple names. I mean, Milky Couple (WooU), Sammi, Jinhee...awww. 
  • The performances. They are all really great a capella, which does prove that whole idols rely on autotune thing is not completely true. I love their Genie performance, and the Samdong-Pilsuk duet.
  • The Milky Couple. Seriously, they are so SQUEE. I've always found that too sweet couples annoy me, but surprisingly, I liked that in them. I even like that they have to do things on the count of three! I would hate that in real life, but with them, it's nice.
  • Hyemi's Feeling Feelings Face. I like Hyemi's robotic gestures, because I like people who can seriously declare, 'I don't care about them. Why should I?' That's very, very boss. And then she suddenly starts becoming a feeling feeler who feels. And she runs away. And it's so normal and what you'd expect of other people-not her-that it makes you love her.
  • I love Pilsuk's determination to succeed. Nothing gets that girl down, not even Hepatitis. Nice.
  • The outfits. I really like the stuff they wear. It almost makes me wish for cold weather. And the shoes, ohhhh the boots on these girls. I want themmmm. 
  • The ambiguous-ish ending. I know I would rather everything ended cleanly, with everyone in pairs but then I remember, they're in high school, and we end about three or four years after they graduate. It makes sense that they're all just feeling their way into adulthood. I'll always wish for Jinguk-Baekhee, though.
  • The Fans. Such dedication. I don't know how I got through it all with them, honestly. So much Tumblr, LJ, Youtube goodness. I love all the Milky Couple fun. 
More than anything, I really adore the main thought of this whole drama: to never give up on your dreams, not matter what. As someone trying to get to her own, it's great fun to see others try and succeed.

So, main thought: Dream High is awesome, y'alls! Watch it, watch it, watch it nowww.

I'll leave you with my favorite thought from the drama with my homegirl Pilsuk, who I heartily agree with here:

Attagirl :D

***Screencaps a mix of own and from dramabeans, the best drama recap site on Earth.
***Okay, this is a long semi review-wee. Heh.

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“It’s usually the selfish people who are loved the most.
They do what you deny yourself, and 
you love them for it. 
You give them your heart.”

  (Saul Bellow, A Silver Dish)

this weekend marks an end.

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To the weepy me. 

I don't like this version of me at all, with her Seemingly Permanent Sads, Affinity for Beg-y Like Me Please songs, and weird tendencies towards Weepiness.

I'm so...I keep feeling feelings. It's so annoying, and so taxing. The other day, I caught myself staring at my reflection in my computer screen, contemplating a change in something, anything, just so I could find a way to vent. Other moments, I just have to sit still and remind myself that perhaps I am being too too about things. I mean, some people, they don't realize that they're being an ass. 


I know that I don't have to feel this way. Hassle of hassles, I don't want to feel this way.

But I do, and that's on me. 

So I've decided to take this weekend and regroup. This weekend, I'll listen to weepy Tamia songs, eat at odd moments in the day, and ruminate on my next steps. I find myself just taking this weekend to break away from whatever it is, whatever this is, and just vow to become better.

I do understand in some way (and it frightens me) why I have these feelings. But they aren't so deep there that I can't reach out and squeeze them out with copious amounts of help from imaginary print and AV men. And it helps to realize that being a selfish little baby really isn't a good way to move forward.

I think it's time to accept that some people leave, that leaving will hurt, but it will still be better than staying in awkward limbo. 

In the meantime, I absolutely adore this cover of the best weepy song for this weekend. IU is so purty! (I'm a huge IU fangirl.)

ohhh the neglect.

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I am an awful, awful person. 

This blog was my new year's resolution, the one I truly hoped I could keep up.

And yet, here I am, realizing that the last entry I made was in June.

I feel like such a fail. 

Haha, see, even my regret is misplaced, as I really am a fail.
The thing is, I really adore writing, and this blog, and the rare (but so much sweeter because of the rarity!) times when people actually comment on anything I say here. I do hope to be more dedicated in the future, what with the many changes: new job, new place to stay in.

In the meantime, sharing one of the highlights of my year so far:

Demurely happy*

I got to go the Incubus concert for free, y'alls! 

I think that was last month, and I am still happy about it.
Isn't it nice when things work out?

*Trophy wife training, check!

heartbreak, hello.

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"This is a fundamental truth about endings: 
you have to be able to face losing some things 
you might want in order to 
be free to do the right thing."
(Dr. Henry St. Cloud, Necessary Endings)

I've been reading this book. I always have this view of myself as being able to separate the feelings from the doings and what have you but it still hurts. No matter how much I feel that decisions like this are the right one (ish, sorta, maybe?!), there is still this part of me that knows there are so many other things I could still do, parts of me that I can focus on instead of this. 
But it's so hard to veer away from what I want. 
And so I don't and I just break a little piece of me off to get to the Me I want/need to be.
I wish I could see into the future and know that this is right.
But I don't.
So I take all the buts, the ifs, the maybes and throw them away. 

I have to focus on the positive. 
I have to, I have to, I have to.

semi review-wee: pizza fries

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I have a serious case of the Sads this week. I want to chalk it up to the weather but sadly, I think it is quite possibly more the things that I have been doing this week.Things like thinking, not thinking, losing things, thinking, not thinking...sooo I have the Sads. 

Most of the time, when I am feeling particularly down, I just need to do something new to perk up. Or something I enjoy. Usually, it is eating gelato. But I've been a bit sick these past few days so gelato is not really an option. So it was something new that I was curious about: PIZZA FRIES!

What are pizza fries? They're...I am actually not sure but they look interesting:

It's revolutionary, y'alls!
Pizza fries are a Greenwich product, one of their side dishes. I think they are meant to combine the flavor of pizza and the crunch of potatoes into one delicious creation. Also, iced tea on the bottom! (Going off on that, what IS with all the combined food and drink meals these days? Is this where we are as a society now? Are we now completely ignoring the idea of food being a relaxing time of your day? Must we become like this?!?)

Well. I can honestly say that if I were the sort of person who spent my mealtimes standing in line somewhere or while commuting from one place to another, this meal would be my...fifth choice. It is fries, with ridges in them. (To imitate the mouthfeel of pizza?) 
It is also quite fun to see children stare at you drinking a straw of (what appears to them as) fries. I had one child looking at me on the bus and turning to his mom: "I didn't know you could use straws with those." 

All in all, this DID ease my Sads a bit. It was quite yummy (though it did nawt really combine pizza and fries in any manner) and I got iced tea out of it. I am also now capable of eating without looking like a doof on buses, so there's that. 
Although this whole eating made easy thing should make me feel happy because I do eat a lot on the go, it only gives me a bit of the mini-Sads cause I always like to relax when eating. Does this mean we can't do that anymore?

The future of food
*Photos, my own.
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"So maybe we are caught in 
an endless cycle of screw-ups and hurt feelings.
But I choose to believe it's just the universe's 
way of molding us into some
kind of super group person.
Yes, like the Traveling Wilburys of pain, 
prepared for any insane adventure life throws our way.
And I don't know about you but 
I'm looking forward to every one of them."

(Jeff Winger, Community)

review-wee D: Black Soup Kitchen + Artspace

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*I have been really lazy. Technically, lazy is my default setting. But still. Another review-wee!

Early this year, I met Den and Noy for lunch, a monumental event that has yet to happen again. This, I assure you, is not an overstatement (although how I wish!).
I remember the last time the three of us were together was Tiendesitas, when Noy and I applied for something in Eastwood and visited Den at her job there, in FunRanch. (Sidenote: FunRanch is totally fun-looking. I'm certain that if I were below ten, I'd have tons of fun there. Alright, you caught me. I still wanted to try their attractions when I was there, but I didn't want to embarrass anyone.) This date/event was also notable in that it was the first time I had ever commuted anywhere wearing shorts. Hek.

The last time Den and I met up was for Comic Con, August, I believe. This, if I'm right in my rememberings, is the first time I'm meeting Noy outside of grad-related activities. Sooo much texting and SNS-tagging before we got to this point: we had to pick a place that was midway between the three of us, would it be dinner or lunch, what would we do?? (See? I'm nawt the only neurotic person in my circle.)

We met at around lunchtime, in school (our midway between the three of us meeting place was a wash because we had a place in mind). We had decided on eating because, well, have you met us?

I arrived early so I had a few moments to myself, savoring the rather odd mix of green, gray and white that I only ever find in this spot, in this school. This particular morning, there wasn't a lot of activity yet, so I was just sitting around, looking at nothing. There's always this sweet bit of satisfaction when I come back, knowing how much fun it all was. 

School, never change.
Den arrives, looking all cute and summery. We had to wait for a bit but it was worth it: we got to see Ninoy in a vest. (Heh. Unfortunately, my phone died* then so I will just assure everyone that he looked cute)

Having met up, we headed to Teacher's Village for some food. Originally, we wanted to go to another place, where we'd heard mind-altering food was being served. (Okay, that wasn't the term. It was more...mood-enhancing food.)

Unfortch (I have always wanted to try that unfortunate-looking slang word!), they only opened at 5PM. And because of this, we got to go to a new place: Black Soup Kitchen + Artspace, in UP Village.

Allowing for the fact that the whole place was enhanced by the presence of two of my most favorite people in the world, I loved it. There was just such fun in the décor of the place: the tables, the walls, the fact that we got to drink water served out of wine bottles. It was fun!

Also, I liked the music that they had. I found it very soothing yet dance-y.

I liked their tables: glass topped with photos and such underneath. Also, that is Den's food, and it was yummy. Noy had pasta, which was also quite good. in an interesting way. My only quibble would be the servings: they were a bit on the small side.

Every table should be like this!

I ordered chicken and it came with greens again! (It's like attack of the vegetables this week/that week) Still, it was very good. 

My food is the most important part of this photo
All in all, Black Soup was a fun experience. 

My favorite representations of fun. (Also, VEST!)
 Walking around after, we had to go to Combi, our favorite dessert place for Fried Cookies!We also noticed that there were tea places and froyo places in Teacher's Village now. Sigh, change.
Seriously, fried cookies are THE BEST. You have not lived until you've had them.

I will now leave you with your short-term goal for this week: fried cookies. 

Definitely one for every bucket list (if you have a bucket list, that is)

Have a happy rest of the weekend, world!

*I apologize for the lack of photos. My phone died so I wasn't able to take a lot.  I know that no one really misses my forays into photography but this entry is kinda a really, really weak review-wee because it. 
***Photos mostly Denise Fontanilla.

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"Maybe that's what real friendship is...
Getting so used to people that 
you need to be annoyed by them."

          (Going Bovine, Libba Bray)

This is an amazing book, which I finished reading a couple weeks ago. Read it! Read it now. 
This is a very lacking apology, but I need the courage to go for the real deal.

I think I've just realized this lately, how different life gets when you're already "grown up". Somehow, things that were as easy as going somewhere and texting a friend your location, saying you want a meal mate, and waiting the requisite five minutes...they don't really happen anymore. And by that, I mean they don't happen at all. Everyone has work and budgets and family and boyfriends and overtime and other new-er friends that the others tend to fall by the wayside. Much as I'd like to pretend to be the one always getting bailed on, I have to admit I've done enough leaver-behindering, as a blocmate would term it. Heh.

And now that I have successfully lost myself, let's get back to it!
To the awesome people who are the awesome part of my awesome life: I'm really sorry if I was mean to you this past week.

Please know that I am ruminating on these feelings and doing my best to be better.

A b-word that rhymes with witch

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is what I have been lately.

I've been moody, restless, highly (AND how) emotional, and incredibly shallow.

This week has been all about Amae, and considering how most weeks, I do revolve around me, the realization that this week has been even more about me is really startling, on my part. (See? Even admitting this to myself sounds less self-aware and more self-centered.)

It's definitely me. This past month has made me re-evaluate myself. It's made me see a lot of things inside me that I should really change.

For instance, this thing with ranting about being sad over failed go-outs and disappointing people. I should be better at articulating this to the right people, not spewing it all over the Internets. I will always maintain that not a lot of people are aware of my blog, but still. That was wrong.

It's just that it's hard to admit to myself that a lot of things in my life need more work!

But then again.

They do say admission (heh, I'm using that word wrong) is the first step.

I just have to take the rest of this weekend to process these thoughts into actual steps of change.

Help me.
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True love is not real,
unless it is returned.

(Katharine, The Vampire Diaries)

Gawsh, I feel sad. 
I don't understand why I can feel so goopy and uninspired over random things that should not really affect me in any way. Well, I mean they should affect me. But not so much!
I feel all levels of underappreciated and overextended and self-disappointed.
All a bunch of made up states of myself that mean only one thing: I am the one who brought this all on myself.

I should just take the advice of the people I have highly annoyed with this issue: they don't care, so I should stop caring.

This is one of those days when I just wish I could live in my favorite page in my favorite book and do my favorite activity: never turn the page.

I just saw someone being stolen from.

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I'm sitting here, trying to process what just happened.

It's early in the morning, and I'm walking from the bus stop to the place where I wait for the jeep to the office. There aren't a lot of people around, mostly early office people and some security guards. There's also the early vendors: taho and puto, and the like.

I spot two people walking a few feet ahead of me: I notice the first guy because he's wearing a UP shirt. Also, he has headphones on and, he's smoking. His friend, who I notice second, is wearing gray. Gray shirt, gray shorts, gray bag.

I was a bit out of it this morning, cause I was running late, so I was going to run past them.

We were on the stairs to Magallanes, I was at the top and they were near the bottom. As I was attempting this plan, I realized something.

They weren't friends.

The Gray Guy was actually stealing from UP Shirt!*

I was also a bit slow in realizing this, and when I did, I waved my arms crazily. I did my best to try to catch up to them, but was unsuccessful because I was slow, UP Shirt was wearing headphones, and also cause I was scared. (I mean, what was I going to do? Kick the pickpocket away? Using what? My never before tested karate skillz? Heh. I still feel incredibly sad and guilty that I was of no help.)

I was reduced to looking at them. Finally, having gotten whatever it was he got out of the bag, Gray Guy turned.

He looked straight at me.

He looked...he looked...scared. 

I know I'm supposed to be mad at criminals. I mean, I work hard to keep myself in the crazy headbands and funny belts and the outs with friends. So I should really be angry that someone can just take stuff away from another person, who most certainly (usually) worked hard to achieve those things.

But all those things I just said, they're ideas, notions and thoughts you have about criminals.

This is the first time I've ever come across the real thing. Seeing a person doing something wrong and looking like he knows this, it hits me differently.

I am not saying what he did was right: stealing from someone is and will always be wrong.

I'm just saying. I know it's wrong, but I don't know how I feel about that.

*I normally try my best to refrain from this whole referring to people by their clothes thing, as it is rather mean. But really, I don't know them, and physical descriptions would be more difficult.
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"Take the high road. No matter how badly 
you want to lash out at someone, don't do it.
There isn't one time that I've lashed out that 
I haven't deeply regretted."

(Tim Gunn)

***Is my final say on the matter. Bow.

Higher and higher stakes.

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The other day, I was at Festival Mall for stuff.
I've been a bit stressed over everything that's been going on, what with all the work and the going around and the many, many shiny new but old things that have been snatching at my attention.

Hmmm. Rather fancy way for me to say I'm feeling a little bit burnt out. (Is that right? Burntout? Har) So I wasn't quite in the mood for happy cheers at the mall but then, I saw this:

When I was a kid, my mother used to take us to a play castle much like this one. That castle was in Megamall, and my brother and I would spend the whole day just bouncing around inside, shrieking with laughter. My mother had to bring us extra clothes, because according to her, we were incredibly sweaty by the time we'd had enough.

I loved that play castle.

Still, I remember that what I found most difficult about it was the climb towards the "fun". I've always been impatient, and it annoyed*** me that I had to climb that high just to bounce around. It just felt too long and I always seemed too far away, too tired, too everything.

Some days (like now?), I still feel like this. Everything is too far away, I'm too sweaty and there are too many people in the way.

But then I break through. I finish the final bump rung, I see the next step.

And I remember how much fun it is, going up, up, up.

***I am guilty of shoving kids out of my way, to get to where I wanted. (Heh. An overdue apology to anyone I may have bullied in that manner. My wish is that my over-entitled younger self never cause you more than a moment's harm).

review-wee C: Persuasion, Umbrellas and Friends.

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Totally behind on my blog resolution. :( I keep trying to have the time to be updated, but I'm incredibly good at distracting myself when I need to.
But I have to do this, because I like it. And also, I took all those photos of stuff that I intended to write about, and what a waste it would be to not write, when I already expended effort with the camera function of my phone. Heh.***

So let's go! Review-wee C: La Maison Café, also that Dinner Where I Had to Eat Vegetables Else My Ass Would Get Kicked by My Friends.

It was supposed to be this normal Friday evening: finish up, head out, maybe find something to give to my mother as pasalubong. Around this time, I would be feeling sorry for myself, as I was basically living the life of a married woman. A married woman with child. Haha. (No offense meant to married women with children: I just can't exactly be that person right now.)

Thankfully, a timely call from Trixie (T) saying that I had to get myself to Glorietta for some us time saved me. She was with Inna (I), my best friend. They had apparently gone on some sort of date to my school.

I headed to Glorietta, a bit wary and curious as to what we'd do. Just a bit of background: I'm from Laguna, and the three of us, we sort of never hung out outside of school or our houses. Mostly it was cause our group of friends was the sort who liked house parties where we could just laugh and be crazy, also mostly cause we were never allowed anywhere. All our parents were really strict, so we spent a lot of time planning to go to malls in faraway places like Alabang (gasp!) and basically not following through. (Not that I never tried to go malling with friends, it was just that the times I did, I realized my parents were tailing me. To this day, I sometimes still have the urge/feeling of never being able to go anywhere without looking around me to see if I'm being followed.)

It's why I was so excited about this impromptu jaunt: it was impromptu (heh), my parents were most definitely home, and it was for only the second time ever, an out with the Trophy Friends in a place that was far enough away that we had to take a bus home!
I met up with them in Glorietta and we spent some time bouncing around shops and such. It was a lot of entering stores and physically barring T from buying anything, as she claimed her wallet was on a diet. Heh. I was just bouncy, she still fretting over concert tickets she'd won on Twitter. She was also trying to ask me to go with her, so we could 'tugs,tugs,tugs' it, as they say. Though I was incredibly interested, I had plans with the family already.

At some point, one of us got hungry and we tried to find a place to eat, moving to Greenbelt. We had been trying to score a celebrity sighting (because, Greenbelt! Heh) but had to content ourselves with pretty but sadly not famous people as we trawled around for food.
Our first choice was full: there was a line of about twenty people waiting to be seated so we gave up on it.
By chance, we got to La Maison Café. I wasn't quite sure I wanted to eat there, but they were both so hungry. And then, I was won over by the décor:

La Maison Cafe - Umbrellas

Ever since Mesa with Den (hanyan!), I have always liked interesting ceilings, and this one, with umbrellas and lights, definitely qualified. Plus, my friends let me have the couch. And when I see a couch, I know I'm home.

So we settled in, and were a bit taken aback cause there was only quite a few people: only three (four, counting us) of the tables were taken. Still, we were already rather feeling the place (For me, Nothing quite compares to the feeling that I can actually be in places like this now, with no need to ask the parents for anything. :) ) and asked for the menu.
I actually thought La Maison was European: I have this thing about any name involving 'La' or 'Le'. I automatically associate it with Europe. I have no idea why. Well, some idea. It must be cause I took beginner courses in Italian and Spanish, and they all seemed to use a variation of this as their 'the'. And since those are the Romance languages, and French is one as well...

Anyway! Because I thought it was French, I was intrigued that they had what my friends ultimately ordered: bentos! Not just bentos, confusingly named bentos!
I ordered the Rib Bento (baby back ribs complete with pasta/rice, salad, soup and iced tea), T had the Euro Chicken Bento (chicken complete with pasta/rice, salad, soup and iced tea) and I ordered the Asian Persuasion Sandwich.
Their service was excellent: we ordered and were served with soup (excellent soup!) within ten minutes. Plus, it wasn't difficult to get water from them. (This is always a plus for me, the Water Monster) The Bentos looked excellent: 

The Rib Bento

The Chicken Bento
I always like food laid out in this manner, because it makes it easier to sample everything without getting the other parts of your meal 'dirty'.
Seeing how nice their food looked made me long for mine, so imagine my surprise when I got this:

The Asian Persuasion Sandwich

That's right: the Asian part of the Asian Persuasion Sandwich is, apparently, a ton of Greens. I have no guesses what the Persuasion part is, since mine came from the other two elements of this photo: that's T over there, with her glasses and photog face on. I is the one in the middle. And, no, actually I don't think she was even taking a photo of my sandwich. She was trying to become Mayor of Davao street. Heh.

I knew the moment I made a move to dissect my sandwich that I would get it from my friends. Still, I tried and was roundly rebuked for wasting money ("Cutting the lettuce* from that sandwich is like throwing away your money!), being a poser ("How can you be working at a place called the Nutrition Center of the Philippines, anyway!?") and finally, outright threats ("You had better eat everything!")
Normally, things like these do nawt work on me. I have shields in place. Perhaps it was the fact that this was the most grown up Trophy Friend Activity Ever, perhaps it was the idea of Trying Something New, and well, there was also the threat of Violence.
I gave in. It was fine. It was like eating green apples, except well, I knew it wasn't an apple. The sandwich helped. I have actually spent quite a lot of time actively searching for this particular Green, but have never been successful. (Anyone know what this is, please tell me)

If I squint, I can imagine this being a giant green apple...
We all dug in and had a bonus: earlier we were griping about the lack of Celebrity Sightings (heh. I love my friends) and who would walk in to La Maison but Jed Madella! He was with a group of people and they took a table to our right, so were able to watch him.

We were quite happy to shoot him furtive glances, and rib each other about asking for a photo. Hihi. None of us did it, but well, we're like that. Posers. :D

All in all, excellent food, excellent company, and I got to eat vegetables.
La Maison Café is awesome.

*Is this lettuce? My mother tells me it isn't. Someone tell me!!!

***Photos a combination of my own and my friends.