Let's pretend it's still the night of my birthday, only...

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I know what happens in the days after it. :)

I had already resigned myself to a day of the Sads for this birthday. It was a fact, because (should there be an s somewhere...):

1. I would be waking up alone on my birthday. I wasn't at home, there were no roommates to decorate our room with silly balloons and cake. (My roomie is in Macau for the weekend)

2. I wouldn't have jibes from co-workers, because none of them knew it was my birthday. That's all on me, of course. I could have said something, but I didn't. Mostly cause, I'm just nawt the kind of person who does that. I wish I were less painfully shy. I'd probably be able to work through a lot of my issues if I were. As it is...boom.

3. I wouldn't be going home from the weekend, as I had committed to a Live Positively event. (I still don't know how to explain it without anyone laughing at me, but it's just that I forgot it was my birthday, okay? That can happen.)

So I was set for it to be lonely. But it wasn't. Mostly because I always seem to underestimate the lovely people who I call my friends, and overestimate my own freaky future minded self.

I spent the night before my birthday helping the cause of male objectification along, with two of my favorite girls. We drank a little, laughed a lot, enjoyed ourselves silly. A fascinating conversation with a cabdriver also helped usher my birthday in. So I wasn't alone, not at all.  I was so surrounded, it seemed silly to have worried.

First off, I get a lovely start to my day with texts and calls from people wishing me a happy birthday. I know everyone greets on Facebook. I myself do that, when I don't have the person's number, or when he or she is too far away for me to greet properly. But there is something about the extra effort it takes to text me personally, that always gets me. Perhaps it is too too of me to expect messages and the like beyond Facebook. But it is what it is. :)

Then I got some fun surprises when my officemates found out it was my birthday. I even got a pancit canton party (pancit canton FTW). I love a good surprise, and this one really did knock me for a bit. It was lovely, and messy and very, very Starlink.

The next day, I got to do my best to give back to the world by joining the International Coastal Cleanup in Bataan. I still have bruises on my legs, and I nearly lost my glasses, and I fully lost my dignity after a boating incident gone awry, but I am mostly happy, healthy and good vibing it all the way.

That day also gave me a wonderful, peppy surprise from my SAREHA sisters: they managed to score me a ticket to Cheerdance! Ofcourse, they told me this when I was in Bataan knee-deep in mangroves, but I did my best and rushed to Araneta. I ended up on a hysterically random, ambience-destroying dinner (for everyone else around us) in Cubao X, at Bellini's. Best pasta ever, though.

And that, was my birthday. Sure, there were some misses: a few people intent on breaking my heart managing to dent it, the absence of a Happy Crush birthday greeting, my losing shoes...but overall, this birthday, was AWESOME, Y'ALLS.

I don't know where I'm going with all I just wrote. I suppose I just want it all to make sense in my head, how sometimes, my overly emotional self should stay more grounded in reality. I always seem to take the route of 'it's all gonna get bad, bad, bad' all the time, that I realize how much better it is when I just flow and power through. Mostly, I should let everyone else power through with me. I should stop looking towards the future, and just be HERE.

This whole birthday has shown me one thing: I have the most amazing, most blessedly wonderful friends. They show me everyday that the future is always going to be tomorrow, and that today is for me. So right now, with the awesomesauce vibes still flowing, that's all I'm feeling.

Focus on today, focus on today, focus on today. :)
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"And yet I know I am too young, 
that we're too young, for me to live my life
only as it relates to you. How can you now ask me 
to arrange my life around you?" 

(Megan McCafferty, Fourth Comings)

semi reviewee: Dream High!

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I just finished watching Dream High.

Well, technically, I've been watching it for a good while...ever since it started and ended and kept alive through all the fan efforts that people have made (thank you, fans! y'all are awesome!).
The fan efforts are actually a big part of the reason why I'm doing this semi-reviewee. I just wanted to have my own itty bitty spot of squee and kilig thrills for the way Dream High makes me feel. A big heartfelt konbanwa, for getting me through this weekend of weeps.

Full disclosure: I'd really, really like to make a review-wee, but I'm afraid my state of mind won't allow it. I'll just be 'Everyone in this shiz is so adorable!' or 'Oh high school love, are you really that real?' which are both not good ways to go for a review. I've decided to make the review in a notes style thing, because I don't have it in me to hold a narrative together. So you all now know that I adore this drama to bits and pieces. That's important to remember as we go in.  

Also, SPOILERS forever. This isn't really a review so much as an appreciation of Dream High, so it doesn't matter! Much.

PLOT: Dream High is a Korean drama from KBS. It's about six high school students who study in a performing arts school, Kirin Arts High, and the challenges they face on the way to their dreams of earning a place in the Korean entertainment industry. Buzz about this drama was mostly because of the cast, which was composed of almost all idol stars. When the promos and rumors over it was starting, people were simultaneously elated and fearful because, idol drama?! Apparently, there is some support for the belief that idol stars crossing over into acting earns more misses (Kim Hyunjoong, I'm looking at you) than hits (Lee Seunggi! I always have to mention you, because fangirl! :D). 

Our Main Three: Jinguk/Hyemi/Samdong
 THOUGHTS: Honestly, when I saw the stills, I had already decided to watch because one of the main characters was Lee Ji-eun, better know as the singer IU. I have a huge, huge, huge love for IU and her adorable songs. Plus she makes really great jokes. So I thought maybe she can act. Aren't jokes acting? Anyway, IU is the only Kpop singer I'm truly invested in. (We're talking logging major YouTube hours, all of her albums, learning lyrics...) So knowing she was in this made me go for it. Another reason was the premise: there are schools that allow you to pursue such things! I have several friends who I think would be perfect for places like this. A lot of them are karaoke-obsessed, so if they enter a school like Kirin, awesomesauce!

CHARACTERS: Ohhh characters. We have the six main leads, almost all idol stars. Please note that I have almost zero expectations of everyone except IU, because my Kpop experience is limited to her, and sometimes, to Suju and Shinee cuts people leave on my Wall or email.
Here we go:
  • Go Hye Mi - Suzy, from girl group Miss A. Hyemi's a snob, through and through. She thinks Kirin (and all not classical music) is beneath her. Rich, beautiful, she's a vocal genius with early admission to Julliard's pre-college program. Unfortunately, Hyemi's family loses everything and she is forced to make a deal with the Nicest Gangsters in the World to honor their debts. The deal: to enter Kirin and debut as a top idol star and make buckets of money to pay the debt. Along the way, she meets Samdong and realizes her dreams.
  • Song Samdong - Kim Soohyun, Cutie. The only actor of the six main leads. He was also in Will It Snow for Christmas. Samdong is a country boy with a gift: he hears any sound and is able to recreate it afterwards. Sort of like a photographic memory, only it's aural? He is also pure and sweet and innocent times a billion. He falls in love with Hyemi at first sight, and his actions are always driven by two things: Hyemi and music. Fun fact: likes to borrow Jinguk's underwear.
  • Hyun Shihyuk/Junguk - Ok Taecyeon, 2PM. I sort of remember him from Cinderella's Sister as the really sweet baby boy who likes to carry girls around. In this one, he plays gangster-ish runaway Jinguk who has mad dancing skillz. Also likes to dance his angst away. He falls in love with Hyemi
  • Yoon Baek-hee - Ham Eunjung, T'ara! I love Eunjung! She was in Coffee House as a ditzy, wildcat hunting barista. Heh. She's so purty. Here, Baekhee is Hyemi's bestfriend turned rival. She fights for what she wants and never gives up.This occasionally leads her to make the wrong choices but she ultimately finds her way, with copious moments of angst dancing, help from Teacher Shin, and ofcourse, Jinguk. When I first found out she wasn't main female lead, I was really flummoxed. I mean, she has more experience! But when I compare Baekhee's arc to Hyemi's, I realize that Eunjung made the right choice in going for this role. Certainly required more acting chops than main lead. 
  • Jason - Jang Wooyoung, 2PM. I only met 2PM through this drama, so the only thing I took from the photo previews for the show was that he had a really weird English accent. But then I realized he and IU were being paired and I was all, ohmygoodness the cuteness. Jason is Perfect. He sings, he dances, he opens doors for girls and he could probably be an astronaut, if he was so inclined. That's his main flaw: his disinterest in everything. He's in it if it's fun but the moment that stops, he stops. He meets Pilsuk and his love for her (squeeeee) helps him see that there's more to life than fun.
  • Kim Pilsuk - Lee Jieun/IU. IU!!!! I love IU! Super girl crush. Sigh. She's so cute. I long to have someone to sing Good Day to! Urp. Going back, Pilsuk has the voice of an angel and she seems like she'd be a shoo-in for Kirin. Only, she's fat. Upon entry to Kirin, Pilsuk falls in love with Jason, whose good manners she mistakes for something more (well, that guy is in every high school, isn't he? :D ). After a lipsynching disaster, Pilsuk decides to lose it all: the weight, the boy and gain herself. I know. I kind of don't really like this part where she had to lose weight, but Korea seems to really be stuck in the size zero zone of women. It would be unrealistic if she didn't atleast try to change. Annoying, but realistic.
We also have:
  • Awesome teachers Kang, Yang and Shi. The three of them also share what has to be the most awkwardly hilarious love triangle EVER. 
  • The Nicest Gangsters in the World. Seriously, what kind of gangster dotes on his captors this much? It's so weird it's awesome.
  • Cameos, cameos, cameos. We have the little sister from Coffee Prince who I adore, and who actually really does pass for a high schooler. Sigh. And also Kim Hyunjoong and Winter Sonata Guy. Can I just say, those two look alike. They could be siblings. Or father and son? Most of 2PM also made appearances.
  • Gu Hye Sun, Hyemi's precocious, precious little sister. I love her. She gets more Jinguk action than Hyemi and she's like four. 
THOUGHTS:  They're all awesome. (Hahaha, see? Worthless.) But for serious. The acting was stilted at times, and it was a little hard to bear, especially in scenes when one person would be giving their all and the other person was sort of just..there. Standouts would be Kim Soohyun and Ham Eunjung. Pity they didn't have any scenes together, like at all. It was hard to watch Suzy at times. I know she's received flak for her acting, so this isn't anything new. It was actually better for me if the scene was Taecyeon and her, because they're better matched, acting wise. Soohyun would be crying and Suzy would be all, uhuh I'm saaad. Engk. Still, she did improve over time, so that was nice to see. Ofcourse, the Eunjung+Taecyeon scenes were rather nice, too. I think Eunjung has that skill that allows the person she's in the scene with be more in the moment. I remember liking Hyemi more when they were together. 

Baekhee: Dance your Angst Away

 As for Pilsuk and Jason, Wooyoung is really cute. We've already established that IU is my heart. My favorite scene was a duet between Pilsuk and Samdong, where the time was spent showing Jason alternately frowning and smiling at them. Priceless. My complaint would be that we don't develop Jason and Pilsook as much as the main four, they're mostly there to provide cuteness when things get angsty to the extremes. I'd have liked a better backstory for Jason. I mean, we never even got his last name. Tchh.

The supporting was great. I really, really like Teacher Shin. I loved the scenes where she got giddy after being thanked in the album, and also her hairclip madness. Such a cutie. She's also a really fun drunk. Everyone was really fun. 

OVERALL STORY THOUGHTS: Hyemi was a risk, one that paid off rather nicely. I think it's a lot more difficult to make things work if your heroine is really hard to relate to, and her robot tendencies and antagonistic ways really made me work hard to like her. I think the moment I started warming up to her was when she was helping Samdong out with the official showcase. It was a sweet moment, and it made me go, alright, OTP! Samdong and Taecyeon are rather typical boy leads, though I do like that they aren't actively fighting with each other for the girl. It's very cute, all the scenes of underwear sharing and reminding of difficulties. 
Baekhee will always be the one closest to my heart, ofcourse. I identify with all that she went through, and the choices she made were quite organic to her character. Of all of them, she was really the one who discovered herself. My one misgiving is the unfulfilled Jinguk love. I mean, there were so many parallels, so many obvious 'duh, get together, you two!' moments there. Honestly, they had more of a sizzle than Jinguk-Hyemi. Sigh. As cute as Hyesun is, the pedo-ness of that just rankles.
As for the reason I watched, Pilsuk was amazing. I love how she did her best in everything, and never gave up. I could've done without the weight loss for Jason angle, though. I mean, I know we get payoff BIGTIME when we realize when he fell for her. But I'd have liked her to have lost weight for herself, not anyone else. I've already said I wished Jason had gotten more of a story, so I'll only say the same of him, as with Pilsuk, he should've wanted direction in life for himself, not because of her. I like to think of it as them being each others' catalysts for change, and that they wanted it themselves, to make me feel better. :)

Milky Couple FTW

  • Everything. Every moment, Love. :D
  • But for serious: portmanteau couple names. I mean, Milky Couple (WooU), Sammi, Jinhee...awww. 
  • The performances. They are all really great a capella, which does prove that whole idols rely on autotune thing is not completely true. I love their Genie performance, and the Samdong-Pilsuk duet.
  • The Milky Couple. Seriously, they are so SQUEE. I've always found that too sweet couples annoy me, but surprisingly, I liked that in them. I even like that they have to do things on the count of three! I would hate that in real life, but with them, it's nice.
  • Hyemi's Feeling Feelings Face. I like Hyemi's robotic gestures, because I like people who can seriously declare, 'I don't care about them. Why should I?' That's very, very boss. And then she suddenly starts becoming a feeling feeler who feels. And she runs away. And it's so normal and what you'd expect of other people-not her-that it makes you love her.
  • I love Pilsuk's determination to succeed. Nothing gets that girl down, not even Hepatitis. Nice.
  • The outfits. I really like the stuff they wear. It almost makes me wish for cold weather. And the shoes, ohhhh the boots on these girls. I want themmmm. 
  • The ambiguous-ish ending. I know I would rather everything ended cleanly, with everyone in pairs but then I remember, they're in high school, and we end about three or four years after they graduate. It makes sense that they're all just feeling their way into adulthood. I'll always wish for Jinguk-Baekhee, though.
  • The Fans. Such dedication. I don't know how I got through it all with them, honestly. So much Tumblr, LJ, Youtube goodness. I love all the Milky Couple fun. 
More than anything, I really adore the main thought of this whole drama: to never give up on your dreams, not matter what. As someone trying to get to her own, it's great fun to see others try and succeed.

So, main thought: Dream High is awesome, y'alls! Watch it, watch it, watch it nowww.

I'll leave you with my favorite thought from the drama with my homegirl Pilsuk, who I heartily agree with here:

Attagirl :D

***Screencaps a mix of own and from dramabeans, the best drama recap site on Earth.
***Okay, this is a long semi review-wee. Heh.

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“It’s usually the selfish people who are loved the most.
They do what you deny yourself, and 
you love them for it. 
You give them your heart.”

  (Saul Bellow, A Silver Dish)

this weekend marks an end.

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To the weepy me. 

I don't like this version of me at all, with her Seemingly Permanent Sads, Affinity for Beg-y Like Me Please songs, and weird tendencies towards Weepiness.

I'm so...I keep feeling feelings. It's so annoying, and so taxing. The other day, I caught myself staring at my reflection in my computer screen, contemplating a change in something, anything, just so I could find a way to vent. Other moments, I just have to sit still and remind myself that perhaps I am being too too about things. I mean, some people, they don't realize that they're being an ass. 


I know that I don't have to feel this way. Hassle of hassles, I don't want to feel this way.

But I do, and that's on me. 

So I've decided to take this weekend and regroup. This weekend, I'll listen to weepy Tamia songs, eat at odd moments in the day, and ruminate on my next steps. I find myself just taking this weekend to break away from whatever it is, whatever this is, and just vow to become better.

I do understand in some way (and it frightens me) why I have these feelings. But they aren't so deep there that I can't reach out and squeeze them out with copious amounts of help from imaginary print and AV men. And it helps to realize that being a selfish little baby really isn't a good way to move forward.

I think it's time to accept that some people leave, that leaving will hurt, but it will still be better than staying in awkward limbo. 

In the meantime, I absolutely adore this cover of the best weepy song for this weekend. IU is so purty! (I'm a huge IU fangirl.)

ohhh the neglect.

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I am an awful, awful person. 

This blog was my new year's resolution, the one I truly hoped I could keep up.

And yet, here I am, realizing that the last entry I made was in June.

I feel like such a fail. 

Haha, see, even my regret is misplaced, as I really am a fail.
The thing is, I really adore writing, and this blog, and the rare (but so much sweeter because of the rarity!) times when people actually comment on anything I say here. I do hope to be more dedicated in the future, what with the many changes: new job, new place to stay in.

In the meantime, sharing one of the highlights of my year so far:

Demurely happy*

I got to go the Incubus concert for free, y'alls! 

I think that was last month, and I am still happy about it.
Isn't it nice when things work out?

*Trophy wife training, check!