Breakfast is my favorite Dinner.

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The Trophy Friends
Dinner at BFast with the Trophy Friends last night, with Calea chocolate cake (courtesy of me) and CBTL after (as ever with us, also semi-courtesy of Dheng).

We haven't been very on-track with our supposedly twice monthly meetings, what with Dheng's new gig, my slavery schedule and Coeli's intense field activities. Still, this proves that we can manage to meet up, even if it mostly involves dragging each other away from our offices. :)

Benta moments:

  • The invention of the term, 'Common Jowa', which is what Dheng calls a cheater boyfriend. Because he has two girls (or guys).
  • Cyber Bullying. 
  • Dheng and her building up of her office friends. Ehem.
  • Our plan to smuggle ourselves into Dheng's building, without overstepping the lines of FriendshipOvery with certain people:
                                       C: Kausapin nalang natin si (Person), no.
                                       A: Um, no. Mas gugustuhin ko pang mang-akit.
  • This incredibly amusing exchange:
                                       D: Anong gusto nyo, train or bus?
                                       A: Train, yun yung mas mabilis no?
                                       D: Medyo third-class train to, ah. As in PNR levels.
                                       C: Ah PNR. Pero...may cafe* naman sila, diba?
                                       (A and D, die laughing)

As always, this proves I have the best friends, ever.

*Gusto ko lagyan ng accent, pero di ako marunong!!!

Sometime ago,

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"Do you like boys? (slight pause) Do you" (giggle and run off)

- Nikko to me, 2010

I just remembered this because of something today, and it suddenly made me smile and realize, it's THAT easy to tell someone how you really feel.

Especially if you're four years old and quite possibly, not really sure what you're saying. :)

Seriously, why isn't this my life?

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Chilling, Carbine Reef
This is Carbine Reef, one of the islands we went to last week. Island is a bit of a stretch. Well, Magic Island would be better. :)

The water is so incredibly clear, the sand white, the mood serene, the people practically non-existent (it's an access-only island, you need clearance to get there) that it felt immediately like home.

That's because Carbine Reef is one of the 7,000+ islands that disappear depending on the tides. When we got there at around 8am, we were still able to frolic in the coral-ly sand. As we were leaving at around 1PM, you could barely leap from one end of the island to the other (crosswise, though, it's a very long disappearing island).

I miss it.

Why don't I live near the beach?

I adored Up the movie.

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Imagine: if you had enough balloons, you could go anywhere! 

But more than all the adventures, what stuck with me the most was the love between Carl and Ellie.I've always been really skeptical about love lasting forever (I still am, to some extent) but their love is inspiring to me.

And it gave a new dimension to my people watching activities. 

See, people are immensely interesting. Even when they're just going around, one of my very favorite things is to look while everyone else does. I don't really have a specific peg when I people watch, sometimes it'll be because that person is wearing something striking, or they're doing something striking, or they're incredibly striking (haha) but mostly I just look around, and try to imagine why they're here, who they are.

After I saw Up, I started to notice elderly couples who were behaving in ways that reminded me of Carl and Ellie. This isn't to say that I didn't notice elderly people before, but that the movie made it become sort of a game to me, finding a Carl and Ellie pair.

My most memorable Carl and Ellie pair to date was when I was waiting for my dad to pick me up, and sitting on the steps outside Landmark. There was this Lolo* who was guiding this Lola* down the mall steps. I found it curious to see that she had a walker and really, she could have walked on her own, but the Lolo insisted on helping her down, anyway. :)

There was no place to sit on the steps anymore (it gets a bit crowded during that time, as everyone waits for their sundo*), so I stood up and offered my spot. The Lolo then took his jacket off and put it on my former spot, for the Lola to sit in. (Admit that a very big part of you just said Awwww)

I'm a sucker for gentleman gestures of any kind, so this really melted my heart. (I know, independence, liberation, all that stuff. I agree, they're important. But that doesn't mean it won't make me squee when a guy opens the door for me, or carries my stuff, or accompanies me home because I am honestly not that evolved yet. :D )

We got to talking and when their ride came, they even offered to take me home! I said no to that, though and watched them get into their car, the Lolo handing the Lola in, their hands almost always joined.

It's been a while since I've done any serious people watching, as mostly I'm on the go (this media plannering shiz is very tough on the downtimes) everywhere, but today, I got another one:

Carl + Ellie!**

I was on my way to MarketMarket to buy something when I saw this couple on the bus across from me. I noticed them mostly because they were dressed similarly***: sneakers, shirts, shorts, matching bracelets and watches, the works. Also because they were talking so animatedly, and laughing every so often. They were definitely a Carl and Ellie pair. 

They put me in a great mood.It's always nice to see couples like that, because it's good to know that for some people, Love really works out. :)

*Lolo, Lola and Sundo are all Filipino words: Lolo is Grandfather, Lola is Grandmother and Sundo is 'being fetched/picked up by someone from some place'.
**I know, I realize how awful it is, taking photos of people without their consent. Or knowledge. But I did my best to only show their hands. I just really needed to show this off.
***They do say that when you're on the same wavelength with someone, you tend to dress the same way. :)

I do it for the moments of Love.

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A few moments ago, I was at the office and my officemates somehow stumbled upon my blog.

One of them started reading from it aloud, which is rather exceedingly mortifying, given that my last entry was about the Nips Jeep* and well, given that ALL my entries are embarrassing.

I even yelled, all annoyed, 'Stop reading it, this blog is private!'

Which, when you reflect on, there's something called a journal, which is really private, and then, there's this blog, which any person with Google can stumble upon. 

So now that I'm stuck wondering why I even really blog, given that I want privacy. (I also journal. I like writing, I guess.)

I think I've written something similar to this before, but it feels like that kind of night, so let's see:

1. I like it. Blogging, at least the way I do it, is  a bit more of my way of sharing and releasing stress. I don't take it seriously, but it feels like a way of still dipping into writing, every now and then. 

2. It makes me feel semi-bad ass. I always feel that my opinion is important (heh) and having a way to share that with the world makes me feel happy. Plus, when I'm mad at the world, it's good knowing that there's a place that's mine all mine where I can feel all yell-y and caps lock-y.

3. I'm easily worked up and this helps bring me down. Sort of the way G+ is now my catch all for quick annoyance moments, this blog just gives me freedom to let it go, in a constructive manner. I'm no good with confrontations: I'm the type of person who cries when I'm angry, so I never ever confront anyone. Writing helps. 

4. The Kilig. Before, I wrote this post explaining surveys to people because I was getting annoyed with the way surveys were being taken to task over the elections. And people I didn't know commented, and said nice things and that made me feel good. And just today, one of my officemate said I write well. And well, there it is, that Kilig that you feel when something you work on is appreciated, it never really goes away. 

Most of all, I blog because it's writing. Even though that's one dream that I have no chance with anymore, I still like dabbling in it. First loves, they never go away. And Writing will always be my First. :)

*It's now the Nips jeep, because Louie-san said it reminded him of the Nips song. :) Which, when you think about it (or hum along, like you really want to do now) is quite true.

cheers to the work week! :D

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I didn't work at all this weekend. Life of Pi, the search for the perfect swimsuit, and my day with D was all that I did. And I feel incredibly refreshed. :D

And I feel a bit guilty about it. Okay, a lot guilty. When I mentioned this to a friend of mine, he just said it was in my nature.

I didn't mention the part where I was starting to open my work files, though.

Which I am now just going to give up on, because my bed is near, and my willpower done.

To get into the Monday mood, here is a photo of the most cheerful jeepney roof in the world:

Walking, more Awesome in the Philippines.
I've always believed that walking is the only way to get anywhere (unless you can fly) and it's little touches like this that convince me.

Can you imagine the work it took for the jeepney driver (and friends) to make that roof as cheerful as that?
All those colors, and the shape of the clouds and the placement, to make it all so twee and nice.

And it's not like they'd be able to see it, from where they are inside the jeep, if they're even riding it at all.

It's things like this that warm my heart and make me feel that everywhere, everyone is doing their best to make the world a better place to live in. :)

And it's thoughts like that that make me appreciate where I am, what I'm doing, and why it matters.

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“It really was such a shame, the way you could be so careful, and for so long, and then go ahead and undo it all in the end, as though nothing had ever been held together by anything at all.”
Johanna Skibsrud, This Will Be Difficult to Explain: And Other Stories

I want to be less me, and yet I can't.
I should stop doing this.
All I want right now is to go to sleep and just rest, but I can't. 

I try, but I can never seem to let things go so far in that direction, I can't even take a step towards it.
I wish I were less neurotic about things but I can't do it.

I keep thinking this is the last time, and yet, it never becomes the last time.
I'm so sad about where things are going now, I can't even see anything beyond it.

It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair.

two for one today.

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Just got back from American Pie Reunion (Nice movie. I mean. Okay, not really. It made me laugh, but I have honestly forgotten most of it. And it's only been 20 minutes. Great music, though. I cannot believe one of the characters referred to the Spice Girls as classic rock, though. I mean, whut? Okay, really long digression, wow.)

My roommate has just finished her concern over my being trapped in the bathroom when, for some weird reason, she suddenly...trapped herself in the bathroom.

Now, her predicament is obviously funnier than mine, seeing as I was able to call our guard immediately to get her out. Still, it just made me think back to what had happened to me earlier this evening.

And I realized that I was feeling a mix of terrified and desperate, it also made me feel...appreciative. 

Of everything around me, of what I had, of my life, in general.

I've been feeling a little trapped and mixed up lately, and I have taken it out on everyone around me. I've often said I hated whiners and yet, that's ALL I do lately. 

But now, it is time to step way up. 

I need a plan, to get back to what I love and who I am. I need Amae Restauro back.

It is so On, pieces of my life! 

I am so getting me back.

So I just escaped from the bathroom.

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I was trapped in the bathroom, a few moments ago, for OVER AN HOUR.

It feels good to be here, typing on Laptop and being all Zen.

Except I'm not really Zen, I'm still hyperventilating from being trapped in the bathroom. FOR OVER AN HOUR. With nothing but my hair product labels to read. 

I still can't quite believe I was trapped in the bathroom, I'm trying to write this down because it feels like...fodder for my next foray into...something.

Anyway, I had just finished reading Lourd de Veyra's commencement address to UP CMC 2012, and decided that, since my alarm had sounded off 15 minutes ago, it was time to get ready for American Pie. (I have an event tonight, an advance screening sponsorship for Coke Red)

I went into the bath for a quick shower, already thinking about the stuff I needed to buy and bills to pay before the movie. While waiting for my conditioner to settle, I realized I had forgotten to take my facial wash with me to the bathroom. So, I decided to go out and get it.

Hand on door, then for some reason, the door wouldn't budge. At all.

I figured it was because my hands were wet, so I decided to wipe them off.

Once my hands were dry, I tried again. Only, it STILL wouldn't budge.

I was a little annoyed by then. I mean, hello. Stupid door.

So I tried, repeatedly. Every possible combination of door turning, I did it.

Until only about a bazillion door twists later (I may be exaggerating here, but I have earned the right to be overly dramatic right now. It's why I'm typing so fast, my dramatic license expires in a few moments), I had to give up the hope that the door was ever going to open for me. 

I was locked, in the bathroom. With running water, and nothing to read. (I know, call me a nerd. I totes don't care right now.)

I would like with all my heart to now tell you that I kicked that door wide open and went out to enjoy my day but that did nawt happen.

Well, I tried to. At first, I yelled. Really, really loudly. Then, I became whiny and cried a bit. Then, I did a combination of both. For some reason (thanks a lot, Labor Day), no one heard me.

Then, I became...desperate, and a little bit crazy.

I kicked the door in and punched it a few times. (I have an inner Hulk, heh)

After all the kicking, I managed to detach the knob from my side of the door and see the inner doorknob. I was also able to pinpoint my problem: the twisting mechanism of the door had gotten detached, which was why I could unlock the door, but it wouldn't open. All I had to do was bend the detached part away from the rest of the (remaining) door knob, and I would be free. Unfortunately, a girl can only do so much with a toothbrush and a comb.

I wasn't really ready to give up, though. I'd read all my product labels five times (there are apparently two more steps after shampoo and condition, people) and I was bored and I really, really wanted to go to American Pie. (I think I'm still going, now. I feel the need to leave this room, just in case I get locked in again.)

So I did what I always do when faced with something I have no real solution to: I rationalized. Surely, this isn't a bad place to hang around for a couple of hours. I mean, I had water, and...labels to reread, as well steps for proper shampooing and conditioning to memorize. 

This rationalization went on for approximately ten minutes (alright, possibly longer, like I had a clock?), and finally gave way to a massive bout of crying and self-pity. 

Why did I need to go out, anyway? Why couldn't I have just gone to sleep, like other people seem to be doing today? Why do I have work? Why did I have to get trapped in the bathroom, when I was so nice to the bathroom? I clean it, dammit! 

I was wailing by this point, and alternately getting angrier and angrier at Clara C for being so happy and peppy and still singing,basically. (I should explain: Clara C is a YouTube singer, and I've been following her for a while, and she's my getting ready to go out music. So, I had music on while I was in the bathroom, because I like to sing along to stuff and my voice sounds awesome in bathrooms.) when I decided on my last plan: to scale the wall and try to get out through the window. Our bathroom has a tiny window, which you can get out of if you're reasonably tiny. Or desperate.

My plan was to remove the last two panes, and slide out.

Still, I tried yelling into the window first, that I was in 301 and needed some saving.

Thankfully, after what felt like forever (which it really was, I was trapped in the bathroom from 4:10 to 5:05, I checked my watch because I am like that), I heard keys turning in the lock.

They basically had to destroy the doorknob with metal pliers (or whatever that tool that can break metal is) so I could get out.

And now, I'm typing this.
And I just messaged my family and friends a really weepy text about how much I love them all.

And I now want to get out of this room, just to ensure that I won't be in for another trapping.

As I write this, I can see the cracks that the door has sustained from my kicks and punches, as well as the scrapes on my hands from those delivered punches.

I'm not sure why I just typed that.

I guess I wanted to end in a profound manner.

But really, I'm much too wound up for THAT.

So I will end this with practical advice: CHECK YOUR LOCKS, EVERYONE. 
Cause sometimes, they don't like to let you go.